Elyse Yu

Napkin sketch

2009-11-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

It's been 4 months since I've written on the blog. I've had so many moments with Faith and Erin these past few months when I wanted to grab the videocamera to capture a colorful chat that they were having or write down how each of them responded so wittingly to my questions. I will have to update you more on these thoughts later. But for now, I wanted to share a sketch of Faith given to us by a stranger while we were having lunch one Sunday. As we were eating, we did notice that this older gentleman was glancing over at us quite curiously. When we were done eating, he came over with a napkin in his hand. He told us that he made a quick sketch of Faith because he found her so charming. He complimented both Faith and Erin and went back to his table. Quite a random encounter. Have a look at the sketch.

Mandalay Beach

2009-07-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Brrrrr....it was a chilly 68 degrees (well, for us Californians, 68 degrees is cold) at Mandalay Beach in Oxnard while it was 100 degrees at home. The girls were in their sweaters most of the time we were there until the sun finally came out and we got to take some pictures in their swimsuits.

Potty training

2009-07-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

Yay!!! It's finally going somewhere. I'm ecstatic that the girls are running to their potty chairs when it's time to go. We've been potty training for quite some time now with not much progress UNTIL THIS WEEK !!! Yay!!!! I am literally jumping for joy every time they go and so do they. What a milestone we've (almost) reached....not completely...not just yet but we're on our way. Erin loves to shout, "I di-yit, I di-yit!"(I did it) while I am jumping with her to celebrate each success. Faith seems more nonchalant about the whole process. Both girls love their Ariel and Belle underwear. After hearing about a fellow triplet mom who returned an unused box of diapers because her kids were potty trained in 10 days, I was challenged to make some progress with our girls soon. We've been at home all week to potty train and the only time we put diapers on them was at bedtime. Yay!! Will keep you updated on our further progress. All the mothers reading this, any helpful advice would be appreciated !

Manhattan Beach

2009-07-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

Getting away from the scorching dry heat was the goal today. Parking was a bit of a struggle but the rest of the day was perfect.

Playing in the Backyard

2009-07-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

Erin

Erin doing pushups

Faith

"Hooray!"

Erin

Japanese American Museum

2009-07-17T22:52:00.000-07:00

We enjoyed a day of fun at the Japanese American Museum in Little Tokyo. The girls were fitted for their very own haute-couture hats made of colored butcher paper.

We enjoyed a day of fun at the Japanese American Museum in Little Tokyo. The girls were fitted for their very own haute-couture hats made of colored butcher paper.

On to Heaven

2009-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

Elyse has been on my mind a lot as of late. I have an 8 x 10 photo of Elyse on my desk which I brought back from her memorial service. Since that day, the frame has been leaning against the side wall behind some books. A few days ago, I picked up the frame, cleaned it and set it down next to my monitor so that she is directly facing me now. As much as I painfully miss her still, I suppose I am doing better emotionally with moving forward with my life. I am sure that this is what Elyse would want for her mom also. As I stare into those precious innocent eyes, I am gently reminded of the privilege of carrying her and raising her until she was called back to her eternal home in heaven. Elyse's passing has definitely piqued my curiosity and longing for heaven. As I watch Faith and Erin play, laugh and go through their terrible two's, I wonder how Elyse spends each day in heaven. I'm sure that her days are filled with love, joy and peace incomprehensible to me as I still need to fulfill my purpose for being here. There is a young woman by the name of Rachel who, I believe, is fulfilling her purpose everyday as she is dying of cancer. On her website, www.deathisnotdying.com, her video and letters boldly proclaims her mission in life in the midst of terminal cancer. I am so humbled by her determination to "finish well," according to her words.

An anonymous gift

2009-05-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone - we received these plush animal pillows for Faith and Erin in the mail with no return address on the box. We'd really like to thank you if you're reading this ! Faith and Erin love to touch the pillows and say "so soft, so soft." Please let us know who you are.

Zimmer Museum

2009-04-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

The girls haven't been out in a few days so I made plans to take them to the park, have breakfast there and play for a few hours. The girls had the entire park to themselves. Well, for me, the highlight of my day was when a white van...NOT a mini-van...drove into the parking lot. I saw a man step out of the driver's seat, and then one by one....I counted one, two, three, four, five...and six kids(yikes !) step out of the van. They all walked around the track once (as a family, I assumed) and then they were free to play. They seemed to range in age.. from 2 to about 12...they werent' Jon & Kate plus 8 (those of you who don't watch their show....they're a family with a set of twins and sextuplets) but they reminded me a lot of Jon & Kate's family. I did ask the father if they were all his. He smiled and said "yes" and that the mom is at home with the newborn. After about a 1/2 hour of play, they were told to get back in the van...they all seemed to be very well-behaved. Well, I gave myself a pat on the shoulder and told myself that I'm doing a great job with my two girls....that I should continue to do my best everyday. I can't even fathom what my life would be like with 7 children. Nonetheless,I believe that God gives us strength and courage to rise to the occasion whenever we're faced with challenges.

After they played I decided to trek up a hill and get my exercise for the day. The girls usually don't like the stroller but they seemed ok today because they had the chance to run around a lot. After my hike, I took the girls to Zimmer Museum today. It's a hands-on Jewish-themed museum for kids. If you have kids, especially toddlers, you really should go. Thanks Julie, for recommending it. It's great! There were so many things to do and not enough time to do them all. Today was a full day.

Philadelphia

2009-04-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. Just wanted to give you a quick update from Philly. It's 4:30pm here and Faith and Erin are fast asleep taking their naps. We arrived in Philly at midnight last night after almost 6 hours of flying. Needless to say, Faith and Erin were exhausted. Will fill you in on the details later on our quest to keep 2 tots occupied in their seats for almost 6 hours. We'll be here until Friday morning so we have some time to recupe from yesterday's flight.

We'll be attending the grand opening event for Elyse Design & Events and the Cafe tonight at 6:30pm. In my last post, I don't think I explained the purpose of this Cafe. This is an email that I receivd from Kayti back in October of last year....I will let her introduce this to you all.

"This cafe/eatery would be a "seasonal" cafe. By this, there are 4 seasons of the year equalling to 4 families, 4 people, 4 situations, or 4 of whatever God brings us.. to help and serve. For example: "SUMMER" would be to raise awareness and fudnraise for an illness thats affecting someone in our local community. "SPRING" would be to fundraise for a family in dire need to pay medical bills or to pay for a new ramp for someone who is in a wheelchair.

These funds would be raised by holding musical/cultural events -- amatuer performers, locals, poets, artists, etc. during the evening. All or percentages would be gathered for that specific season during that season.

The other aspect is that the food is not necessarily ORGANIC.. but local -- to help our local farms, and also to get the freshest indgredients. I have a few friends who are coming up with fresh, new healthy menu.

Now when I saw the final vision in my mind.. this is what I saw: first a piano inside.. then comfortable seats/tables.. a barista area.. the musical piece abstractly painted or stenciled onto the wall of "Fur elise"

This is where I ask you for permission-----

"Fur Elyse"
Cafe Eatery

I would like that to be the name --- For Elyse..."

Elyse Design & Events

2009-03-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

Our Elyse continues to inspire and move hearts. If you can think back to our journey with Elyse and the many bone marrow drives spearheaded by so many compassionate friends....Kayti Chung from Renewal Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia rallied 147 people to register as bone marrow donors. She is set to open "Elyse Design & Events," an event planning business along with a Cafe named in Elyse's honor. She started a blog to update everyone up to the grand opening event which we'll be attending on April 1st. www.elysede.blogspot.com Please check it out. This is what Kayti had to say on one of her posts,

"As we were shopping for furniture -- the first question they ask you is.. is this for your home? -- It gave an open invitation to talk about "Elyse: Design & Events".. Who is Elyse?

Some of you may remember.. Elyse Yu aka Baby Elyse. I "met" Elyse through a prayer request through FB -- being that she had my "baby name" -- I started to read the "Pray for Elyse" campaign. Something at the time.. struck me.. and urged me to do something. This "something" was a conviction and also guidance from Christ directing me to use my skills, networking, and heart to help Elyse.

Through Elyse's journey -- I was able to come closer with Christ.. and build a relationship with Him. She was my inspiration to do more than just simply .. do. Even though we never spoke.. holding her.. and seeing the strength in her eyes.. was enough taht she was truly a sweet child of God. And also even more.. the ongoing journey of Tim and Susan (Elyse's amazing parents) -- is truly a testimony of TRUST and FAITH in our Father.

There are specifics that I will be sharing at the GO Event.. so I wont here. :)"

Before Elyse was admitted for BMT, Kayti visited us at home. Kayti held her, played with her and even fed her cereal. Tim and I are so glad that we now have the opportunity to visit Kayti in her hometown.

Well, we'll be flying to Philly on Tuesday with Faith and Erin. We have no idea how they'll do on the flight but we're set to leave on Tuesday and will return on Friday. We're ready with snacks, DVD player, new toys (the dollar store is our best friend for trips like this), books, and lollipops. We'll pull out a surprise perhaps every 1/2 hour as needed hopefully before a tantrum sets in. I'm expecting some level of cabin fever for the girls but I'm hoping that it won't be too bad being prepared for the worst. We're hoping that the stopovers on both flights will help also.

We'll take lots of pictures and will post them asap.

We're asking for your prayers for a safe trip to Philly and back to CA.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2009-03-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

What "light" and "tunnel" are you referring to...you might be asking?? Well, for the past two months now...I think it's about two months...we lost track after a few weeks....with Erin's nighttime wakings at exactly 4am every night, our patience and endurance have been tested. maybe that sounds a little too dramatic but tim and i have been running on empty...well...without one good night's rest in the past two months. i was reminded of the first few months after the girls were born and wondered how we managed to function during the day. one thing i do remember very clearly is that my short-term memory was shot. what someone said 5 minutes ago, i just couldn't remember. well, here i am two years later...still sleep-deprived and lately my short-term memory hasn't been stellar either. so, the first week she continued to wake up, we tried to console her and put her back in her crib. soon afterwards, we just didn't have the endurance to continue this late-night ritual of going into their room, picking her up and holding her until she's soundly asleep. we just picked her up and brought her into our bed where she slept very comfortably, i imagine, between me and Tim....while i'm being kicked in the eye and not sleeping very well at all. so, to make a long story short...monday night, we didn't see an end to this habit if we continued to bring her into our room. so, as painful as it was...we decided to let her cry it out at 2am. it was pure torture. tim was just too exhausted and slept through all the screaming and crying. i tried my best to ignore it but couldn't. besides i had to standby in case Faith woke up. Erin cried for 2 hours and Faith didn't even wake up. i'm thankful for that. tuesday night, she woke up at 1am and cried for 2 hours. i was going in and out of sleep during those two hours but tim was up the whole time. again, Faith didn't even flinch. last night, perhaps, was a turning point b/c she slept through the night !!! yippee!!! sadly, i can't say the same thing for me. i was so used to waking up at night that i was up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep rather quickly. i'm hoping and praying that i can get a solid night's sleep tonight and at least for a couple more nights.

Vasquez Rocks

2009-03-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

Some time ago, we took our girls to Vasquez Rocks. It's a park with unique rock formations as you can see in the pictures. Tim and I have been here before and it's just a really tranquil place to hike through. You can see Erin and Faith hiking through the very rough terrains of Vasquez Rocks...:)

Year Two

2009-02-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

It's been quite some time since I last posted...two months to be exact. With less help, my energy is spread pretty thin nowadays. I'm sure this is the story of all moms of 2-year-olds. Well, I am finally sitting in front of my computer to write today. Let's see...where do I start...Faith and Erin have arrived....at 2 years of age, that is...They love the Wiggles, Barney and Curious George. They really need to cut down on tv. So, we joined a mommy-and-me music class. We also started attending storytime at the local library. It's another great way for the girls to meet other kids their age. So these are some of the activities Faith and Erin are into these days. Ever since we celebrated their birthday, they want to blow out candles and have "buthday cak" everyday. Because we don't oblige, they creatively build their own cakes with bowls, bottle caps and anything else they can get their hands on and sing the "happy birthday" song to each other. Thank you again to all their favorite aunties, uncles and friends who always make them feel so special. Here are some pics from their birthday.

Merry Christmas !

2008-12-25T23:31:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone. I came across this song that really spoke to me and I wanted to share it with you. It's playing and you can follow along with the lyrics below.

"Cry In My Heart"

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head

New photos

2008-12-23T22:12:00.000-08:00

I just posted some new photos on the blog.

Thank you, Kathy & Hannah!

2008-12-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Our single but very busy ladies from church volunteered to babysit our girls while Tim and I spent a Saturday morning browsing through Ikea. Kathy and Hannah are familiar faces from church so the girls were thoroughly entertained. Thank you for sacrificing your Saturday morning to watch the girls ! They even put all the toys away before they left. Aha! You thought I didn't notice !

We don't have a photo of Hannah but we are equally appreciative of you !

Joy Luck Club

2008-12-22T21:27:00.000-08:00

Tim and I enjoyed a leisurely Sunday afternoon at the David Henry Hwang Theater (in Little Tokyo) watching a play, The Joy Luck Club. I've seen the movie a few times and I walked into the theater with great anticipation. The cast was made up of an Asian-American theater group-East West Players. Their talent really exceeded my expectations. Their performance was impressive. During the intermission, we also visited an art exhibit in the gallery located in the same building. The theme of weeds ran throughout the artwork which didn't impress me as much as the play. We both walked out of the theater telling each other that we should do this more often. Here are a couple of pictures from the day.

Apple Picking

2008-12-21T22:39:00.000-08:00

We visited an apple orchard recently. The braeburns were delish! Faith was busy picking the apples and Erin was busy eating them !

An Evening of "Joy, Peace and Realizing the Beauty of Trials"

2008-11-29T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a little bit behind with my posts so bear with me. So, going back a few weeks....I attended a women's tea/fellowship at Grace Community Church. If you remember many months ago, a pastor at Grace helped us through the muddy challenges of the mourning process. He has been keeping us in his prayers and invited me to attend this women's gathering. The speaker for the event was Toya Tyler...she is mom to Kiara, the little girl who occupied a room next to Elyse in the BMT Unit. If you remember back in June, Kiara also went to be with the Lord. Despite how much she must miss her little one, Toya remains strong in her faith in our God. She is not only unwavering in her faith in the Lord but she is so grateful for so many opportunities for her to share the gospel. She's not shy about sharing how God lovingly carried her family through their trials.

When I arrived there, there were many ladies greeting all the attendees. There were unique mugs to fit every personality for tea. There were mini macaroons that were calling out to me. I probably had far too many of these but oh well...when do I get the opportunity to chat with some ladies and munch on goodies all evening. So, I got up and got another plateful, sat down and chatted away with the ladies at my table. We introduced ourselves and quickly discovered that one of the young ladies (I happen to sit at the single ladies' table)is a nurse at CHLA's BMT. She told me that she started working there right around the time Elyse was admitted. She also said that she had been praying for our family all this time since Elyse passed. I was moved to tears. I really am so thankful for all the love that surrounds our family. It truly warms our inside to know that there are people who not only remember us but pray for us.

We sang "As The Deer" and "You are My Hiding Place." It was the first time in a long time I heard these songs. When Toya took the mic, she really was exuding joy and peace that can only come from her faith in the Lord. She explained that "True joy is the experience of well-being, not because of circumstances, but because of the deep down confidence that God is in charge of everything and that it is all moving for my good and His glory." (Grace to You - "Fundamental Christian Attitudes:JOY," John MacArthur). And "Spiritual peace, the true deep-down peace is the confidence that everything is right between myself and God. It is the presence of a calm assurance built on the knowledge that my sins are forgiven, God is concerned with my well-being and Heaven is ahead. It is the peace that God gives to His beloved children." (Grace to You - "Peace in Every Circumstance," John MacArthur)
She quoted a verse from the Bible: "My peace I give unto you, not as the world gives I give unto you, neither let your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid." (John 14:27). Regarding trials, she said, "God uses them to prove the genuineness of your faith and increase your joy and spiritual endurance." (Grace Today Devotional, John MacArthur). She also gave us this verse: "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." (James 1:2-3).

Toya held my hand and took the time to encourage me. She is a great source of encouragement and strength. I suppose we connect on a level that only BMT parents who lost their little ones can. Thank you, Toya, for your inspiration.

Visit to Rose Hills

2008-11-23T21:48:00.000-08:00

We finally made it Rose Hills on the 8th. Faith and Erin spent the morning with grandparents while Tim and I had a rare day out alone. The air in the car as we drove to Rose Hills was of quiet anticipation. Very few words were spoken but we both knew exactly what we were feeling as we were nearing the place where her physical body was laid to rest. Random memories constantly circled my mind as I tried to keep my composure in the car. As much as I know that this is just a temporary separation, I was overwhelmed with the numbing reality that I cannot hold her, feed her, or care for her in any way as I do for Faith and Erin. This was the first time we returned here since her funeral/burial services so we had a bit of a tough time finding the grave site. We didn't want to waste any more time trekking up and down the hill so we asked a guide for the exact location. When we finally found the site, we both stared down at the headstone and read what was on it. "Little one, we will see you again in heaven." We cried a little, put the flowers in water and sat in silence for a while. Tim, always wanting to comfort and encourage, gave us both some words of hope for now and for the future. We had lunch, just the two of us, and went to pick up our girls. We were happy to see Faith and Erin in such good spirits...enjoying their time with grandparents. That day I wondered how and when we'll tell Faith and Erin about Elyse. I suppose God will grant us wisdom when it's time.

God of Comfort and Strength

2008-11-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

After reading our latest entry, our dear friend Song emailed a few verses to us that encouraged me today. I hope you are also encouraged and strengthened by the Word of God today.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:3-9)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

Psalm 46:1-2
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. (Psalm 46:1-2)

1 YEAR - REMEMBERING ELYSE

2008-11-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

We thought that everyone would be curious as to how we spent the past year and how we plan to remember Elyse on the anniversary date of her Home-Going. Honestly, we don't remember the details of the past year, but it felt like it was a tug-of-war trying to deal with everything for the first 6 months. We were pulling on an incredibly heavy rope to overcome doubt, emotions and the emptiness of "living-without" one of our little girls. What we know with certainty is that we have come this far by our Faith in Jesus and with the support of close friends pulling with us from behind. On October 6th, our dear friends Tom and Laura invited a few people to their house for a cozy dinner to remember Elyse. No one mentioned Elyse or the reason for the dinner, but we all the reason behind Tom and Laura invitation. Thank you Tom and Laura.

I would like to share a few emails we received in remembrance of Elyse's home-going.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Susan, Tim,

We wish we could share even a bit of your hearts as we remember today as Elyse's memorial day. We haven't forgotten nor have we words to express our deep desire to be of some comfort to you. We'll be around through our time here, and we'll be around when we all get to go home. We love you.

Tom & Laura
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Susan,

I was just reading over Elyse's story once again and realized that October 6th will mark one year since she went to be with Jesus. I imagine that this is a bittersweet time for you and Tim. The first anniversary of Chloe's death was painful for us, as we were flooded with memories of the suffering she endured. Yet the sweet memories were there as well, as I'm sure they are with you, too. May the Lord wrap His arms around you in an extra-intimate way during these days as you continue to move through your loss. In some ways I don't think we will ever get to the "other side" of this experience of losing a child--at least, not until we're in heaven, in the presence of the Lord. May He strengthen you and uphold you.

Tammy (Gonzalez)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Tim and Susan,
My thoughts are with you and your family today and everyday. I will never forget your precious baby Elyse. She will forever be in my heart...

God Bless you all.

Love your friend,
Debby
*(Message written on a card from Debby Bradley)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for your kind and heart-felt words. Your words have truly given us strength throughout the year. Please don't fault us if we lean on you all for a few more.

Susan and I will be remembering Elyse by visiting her at Rose Hills this Saturday. It will be the first time we will be returning since the funeral. In Korea the saying is that if your parents die, you bury them underground, if your spouse dies, you also bury him/her underground but when your child dies, you bury the child in your heart. There is some truth in this saying since Elyse is remembered in our hearts everyday and for this reason we have not found a particular need to go to Rose Hills. The other reason why we have not visited Rose Hills is that seeing her grave is a stark reminder that she is no longer here with us, whereas remembering her in our hearts allows us to keep hoping for the day will see her again in heaven. Please pray for our visit this Saturday, that the resurfaced memories will not hinder us. We have a lot of growing to do. Though we know that she is in heaven with the Lord, we are nervous about this Saturday. With your help, we will move forward.

Thank you all for keeping up with our post each month. It strengthens us to know that we are sharing our lives with friends that care. We will be posting new pictures of Faith and Erin soon.

- The Yu Family

Good night's sleep + Caffeine = More Energy

2008-11-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

Last night was the first night in a long while that I got a good night's rest. For the past few weeks, both Faith and Erin were waking up crying at odd hours...2am...4am...5am...Sometimes both would wake..some days, they would take turns...some days, one of the girls would wake because of the other one crying. I've been so exhausted not being able to get a good night's rest. I've never been a coffee drinker. Occasionally, I'd drink a frappuccino from Starbucks or coffee with friends if others are drinking. Every morning I'd wake up terribly groggy from all the nighttime wakings so I decided to give myself a caffeine boost to get through the day. Coffee makes my heart beat double time so I tried to curb my intake to a moderate dose. So today, I woke up feeling very rested and had a cup of coffee with my breakfast. With the caffeine surge, I was ready to conquer the day. We badly needed to reclaim our living area as just that....a living area...not a play area for the kids. Until today, almost every toy was in the living room. I moved some of the toys upstairs. I'll have to eventually move most of the toys upstairs. Tim and I also took pictures of baby gear that we'll put on craigslist to sell. It's amazing how quickly they grow and develop into little people. All of our baby gear is like new so if you know of someone who is shopping for used bouncers, crib, boppies, mobiles, walkers, bumbo, bassinet, etc.....let us know ! We'll let you know when we post our craigslist ad. We just need to organize the photos, set prices and post the ad.

A Mother's Day Spa Day in October???

2008-10-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from Glen Ivy Day Spa and I wish I was there again already. Back in May, for Mother's Day, Tim surprised me with a spa gift certificate. It just sat on my desk for the last 5 months. I guess I was trying to carve out a few hours to go and I just didn't make enough of an effort to do so. Well, I finally went and it was a very nice way to spend a Saturday morning. I even strolled through the mall (by myself, in peace, without having to chase after the girls), took a deep breath, and just enjoyed myself. I don't take advantage of these mini-getaways as much as I should. Everytime I go to the spa, I feel like I just don't do enough to take care of my skin...not that the aesthetician made me feel this way...but I really should spend a few extra minutes taking care of my skin every day. Do I dare say....at the age of 36, signs of aging are showing more than I'd like. I can't stop time but I can certainly do my best to age gracefully and healthfully, inside and out.

Ruth Graham

2008-10-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I haven't posted in a while. Raising our two tots becomes all-consuming sometimes. But, I'm happy to report that I've been consistent with working out. I definitely feel stronger and lighter on my feet. I generally have more stamina. I've become more prudent about what I eat. Going to the gym gives me alone-time that I desperately need. All in all, I'm really seeing the benefits of exercise.

After church this past Sunday, our pastor opened up his home to church members for a fellowship gathering. It was a very relaxing time for all of us. Faith and Erin had a great time playing in the backyard. They were thoroughly exhausted when it was time for them to sleep. After they went to sleep, I was drawn to listening to some music, particularly Fernando Ortega...he's a classically-trained pianist who is a christian singer. Our dear friend Debi, dedicated "Jesus, King of Angels" to our family at Faith and Erin's birthday party. I need to buy the CD. But, in the mean time, I went searching on youtube to hear the song. You can listen to the song here. I just continued down the list of Fernando Ortega videos. I came to "Give me Jesus" [Ruth Graham Tribute]. It's a very meditative song. Lately, I've been preferring quiet meditative songs with minimal instrumental accompaniment. Click here to hear the song. The video is a tribute to Ruth Graham, wife and confidante to Billy Graham. After many years of illnesses, she passed last year. I heard recently that Billy Graham was hospitalized but I had not idea that his wife had already left his side. Well, after watching the video, I wanted to read more about her life. I came across this website dedicated to her. It plays beautiful hymns that we all know as you view her photos through the years. She was born in China to medical missionaries. She went to a boarding school in modern-day North Korea. She met her challenges with such awesome courage leaning on strength from the Lord. You can read more about her life on the website as you listen to the wonderful hymns. As a wife and mother, I am inspired and challenged by Ruth Graham's example. I hope you are too. And as I think about Elyse, I wonder if they're acquainted with each other in heaven.

One year approaching

2008-09-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

As the one-year mark of when Elyse returned home to our Father is fast approaching, I find myself flooded with memories of Elyse everyday. Some days I am swept out into the ocean where the rough waters seem to engulf me and after wrestling with the waves I find myself somehow back to shore. I remind myself that she is no longer suffering and in the arms of God who can love her like no other. This assurance is very comforting.

A few months ago, I mustered up the courage to pick up Elyse's belongings..from the hospital, that is...There was a children's CD that was given to us from Renee and Jeremy, a music duo who came to the BMT Unit every Thursday to share their music with patients. I remember their first visit...As I held Elyse in my arms, we listened to "Miracle." Elyse wasn't feeling well that day. Listening to the song, I was praying for a miracle, that her recovery would be quick and she would beat all odds. Today, I took out the CD and played it. The first track was "Miracle." As I was watching Faith and Erin playing and laughing, I was fighting back tears. I will always miss her. I'm glad that I have these songs to remind me of her. Please Click Here if you want to listen to some of Renee and Jeremy's songs. My favorites are "Free," "We are One," "Sleep My Love," and "Shoorahlaywho." I hope you enjoy the songs.

Still going strong

2008-09-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks since I decided to commit to a workout regimen. I'm happy to write that I've stuck with it for the past few weeks since my last post. Because my time at the gym is really limited now, I am really enjoying my time there. When I had all the time in the world, I wasn't particularly enthused about being at the gym sweating it out. My drive to the gym is literally 5 minutes and that means 5 minutes of listening to music that I enjoy and NOT the Wiggles or any other children's CD. The drive back is equally enjoyable...though short-lived. Well, besides the drive to and from the gym, group classes are really energizing. I found a great class using free weights to tone and strengthen muscle. It is fun and intense. If these classes don't get me in shape, I don't know what will. Those of you reading this...if you have a membership to a gym and haven't been going....you really should go, you'll feel so much better ! Let's get moving !

Getting back in shape

2008-08-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

I am currently on a mission to get back in shape. We were having lunch at a restaurant a few weeks ago and a very nice lady asked me if Faith and Erin were twins. I smiled and answered, "yes." And then she asked me if I was expecting another one. I smiled and answered, "no." I think she was muttering something under her breath to make me feel better. I wasn't horribly offended. She had reason to ask. I had completely finished my plate of food (not even a trace of sauce anywhere on the plate), had appetizers and had a taste of Tim's lunch. I was also wearing an empire-waist top that accentuated my tummy. It was actually something I wore often during pregnancy. The fact that I'm still wearing maternity clothes says a lot, I think. I have to get in shape. If I don't do it now, I think I'll become complacent and just be ok with it. I can see it now...my closet full of empire-waist tops and dresses in every style and color. I refuse to allow this glimpse into the future to come to pass.

My skin (and probably my muscles underneath) was stretched so far during my pregnancy that it's taking some time for "things" to return to normal. I think it's wishful thinking that my body will ever be the same again. Nevertheless, I have to do what I can, right? As for the wrinkly skin on my belly....well, I doubt exercise will help but like I said...I'll have to do the best I can and see what kind of results I get. So, according to my husband, as I build muscle with exercise and lose fat with a controlled diet, I will definitely see results. Yesterday I was on the elliptical machine for about 10 minutes and I was huffin' and puffin'. I focused on my upper body with weights. Today I stepped it up and went up to 12 WHOLE MINUTES on the stairmaster. I gave myself a pat on the back and moved on to lower body training. If anyone can offer any advice on getting back in shape after a multiples pregnancy, please do. I am all ears....

Food Chart

2008-08-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

I received this very informative food chart from a fellow triplet mom. Sometimes I get in a rut when I think about what to feed the girls. This chart is actually helping me think of new foods to serve them (with their nutritional benefits in mind!).

FOOD CHART

Apples
Protects your heart
prevents constipation
Blocks diarrhea
Improves lung capacity
Cushions joints

Apricots
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
Saves your eyesight
Shields against Alzheimer's
Slows aging process

Artichokes
Aids digestion
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Guards against liver disease

Avocados
Battles diabetes
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin

Bananas
Protects your heart
Quiets a cough
Strengthens bones
Controls blood pressure
Blocks diarrhea

Beans
Prevents constipation
Helps hemorrhoids
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Stabilizes blood sugar

Beets
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Protects your heart
Aids weight loss

Blueberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Boosts memory
Prevents constipation

Broccoli
Strengthens bones
Saves eyesight
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure

Cabbage
Combats cancer
Prevents constipation
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Helps hemorrhoids

Cantaloupe
Saves eyesight
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Supports immune system

Carrots
Saves eyesight
Protects your heart
Prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Promotes weight loss

Cauliflower
Protects against Prostate Cancer
Combats Breast Cancer
Strengthens bones
Banishes bruises
Guards against heart disease

Cherries
Protects your heart
Combats Cancer
Ends insomnia
Slows aging process
Shields against Alzheimer's

Chestnuts
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Lowers cholesterol
Combats Cancer
Controls blood pressure

Chili peppers
Aids digestion
Soothes sore throat
Clears sinuses
Combats Cancer
Boosts immune system

Figs
Promotes weight loss
Helps stops strokes
Lowers cholesterol
Combats Cancer
Controls blood pressure

Fish
Protects your heart
Boosts memory
Protects your heart
Combats Cancer
Supports immune system

Flax
Aids digestion
Battles diabetes
Protects your heart
Improves mental health
Boosts immune system

Garlic
Lowers cholesterol
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
kills bacteria
Fights fungus

Grapefruit
Protects against heart attacks
Promotes Weight loss
Helps stops strokes
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol

Grapes
saves eyesight
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Enhances blood flow
Protects your heart

Green tea
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Helps stops strokes
Promotes Weight loss
Kills bacteria

Honey
Heals wounds
Aids digestion
Guards against ulcers
Increases energy
Fights allergies

Lemons
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy

Limes
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy

Mangoes
Combats cancer
Boosts memory
Regulates thyroid
aids digestion
Shields against Alzheimer's

Mushrooms
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Kills bacteria
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones

Oats
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
prevents constipation
Smoothes skin

Olive oil
Protects your heart
Promotes Weight loss
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
Smoothes skin

Onions
Reduce risk of heart attack
Combats cancer
Kills bacteria
Lowers cholesterol
Fights fungus

Oranges
Supports immune systems
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Straightens respiration

Peaches
prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Helps stops strokes
aids digestion
Helps hemorrhoids

Peanuts
Protects against heart disease
Promotes Weight loss
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Aggravates
Diverticulitis

Pineapple
Strengthens bones
Relieves colds
Aids digestion
Dissolves warts
Blocks diarrhea

Prunes
Slows aging process
prevents constipation
boosts memory
Lowers cholesterol
Protects against heart disease

Rice
Protects your heart
Battles diabetes
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Helps stops strokes

Strawberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
boosts memory
Calms stress

Sweet potatoes
Saves your eyesight
Lifts mood
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones

Tomatoes
Protects prostate
Combats cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart

Walnuts
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
boosts memory

18-month doctor's visit

2008-08-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Just in case you're wondering...Faith's follow-up labs came back normal. A few days after Faith's fever finally broke, Faith and Erin were due for their 18-month exams/shots. So, the doctor assured us that Faith's liver enzymes and WBCs are back to normal as they should be. The girls seemed to tolerate the exams better and the shots....well, no one likes to be stuck with a needle. Their height and weight are in the lower percentile but Faith and Erin are very healthy nonetheless. I suppose genes play a part in their growth rate. And quite possibly...the fact that they're multiples could also play a role in their rate of development. Well, as long as they're happy and healthy kids, I really shouldn't be too concerned about their growth.

One trying week

2008-07-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

Last week was a bit of a trying week. Monday...Faith spiked a fever with no other symptoms. Tuesday...took her in to see the doctor. Doctor's orders were to continue giving Tylenol to bring her fever down. He mentioned that it could possibly be Roseola, a very common childhood viral infection. But this couldn't be confirmed unless her fever subsides after 3 days and then a rash appears. Wednesday...fever wouldn't break so Tim gave Faith a bath to cool her temp. When we took her out of the tub, her lips and fingertips were blue and she was shivering. We called her doctor and the nurse told us to take her to urgent care right away. After looking her over and listening to us, the doc. said that her temp. cooled down too quickly and that next time we should use a wet towel to cool her body. Her color came back and we were relieved but her fever was still a mystery. The urgent care doc. suggested giving her Motrin and Tylenol to combat her fever. By Thursday, we were hoping that her fever would break but it didn't. Her ped. wasn't available so we saw another doc. who examined her very thoroughly. Diagnosis: a viral infection - an exanthem of some sort. By Thursday night, Tim and I had been up multiple times every night since Monday. I'd say we were pretty exhausted. As much as we hoped that Faith wouldn't be seriously ill, we were haunted by the memories of the first week Elyse got sick. Friday morning...we thought that her fever finally broke until she spiked another fever in the morning and a rash appeared mainly on her trunk, arms, neck and face. When I called the doc., he wanted to see her again. This time, he wanted to do a blood test. This whole pattern since Monday was all too familiar to me and my heart just sunk when he ordered a CBC and a hepatic panel (checking liver enzymes). As many of you already know, at the onset of HLH...common symptoms are enlarged liver and spleen and high fever. The doc. told me that the results will be available stat. He called me with the results: white blood cells a bit low and one of the liver enzymes was a bit high but platelets, red cells were all normal. After consulting an Infectious Disease specialist, the doc. called me back. He said that those lab results are typical of a common viral infection. We discussed what Elyse's initial lab results looked like for the sake of comparison. He reminded me that Elyse's liver enzymes were out of control. Listening to the doc. quelled my worries about Faith. We were to take Faith into urgent care on Saturday if she continued to have fever. At 11pm, she spiked yet another fever. We quickly gave her Motrin and Tylenol. I was sitting in front of my computer doing some research on fevers, rashes, viruses, etc. and I decided to chart Faith's symptoms since Monday. As much as we wouldn't want to see Faith admitted, I knew that we were possibly headed that direction if her fever continued through the next day. So I wanted to be ready and organized to speak with the doctors. Well, she slept through the night and her fever FINALLY broke ! We couldn't be more relieved, to say the least. Our ped. called on Saturday to follow up. We were glad to give him a positive update on Faith. He wanted to repeat the blood test to ensure that liver enzyme and WBC returns to normal. So we took her in on Monday. The phlebomotist was excellent and found a good vein rather quickly...(this always makes it somewhat bearable to see your child poked with a needle). Results are pending. The doc. should be calling us with the results tomorrow. Faith looks great and is back to her old self...playing peek-a-boo, laughing and sharing toys with Erin.

Disciplining your kids

2008-07-02T21:24:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this article with moms and dads:

click here for the article

Our favorite kid-friendly places to eat

2008-06-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

When we dine out as a family, the best place to eat is the most kid-friendly place to eat. Souplantation is one of our favorites. Ever since another triplet mom made the recommendation, we've been taking our girls there at least twice a month. It's healthy, doesn't break our budget and free for the girls. Needless to say, the variety at a buffet really makes it easy even for the finicky eater. So we grab mac&cheese, foccacia bread, some type of soup with lots of vegis, chicken noodle soup, and fruit for the girls. Their hands are wiped clean and they don a catch-all bib for their feasting. I have to say...I'm seeing less and less food end up in their bibs so they're getting better at feeding themselves.

Yesterday we discovered how kid-friendly Claim Jumpers is. They offer complimentary kid plates of cheese, apple sauce (which tasted more like pie filling than apple sauce), orange slices, and a roll of turkey lunch meat. Granted, it's not a gourmet meal for the kids but it's free. It gives them something to munch on while we wait for our food. They also provide table toppers for the kids. The only thing missing was a disposable bib.

If anyone out there in our cyber comunity can recommend other kid-friendly restaurants, please share with us ! Hope you all have a good July the 4th !

Faith and Erin cooling off in the pool

2008-06-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

We're hoping for this heat wave to let up soon but in the mean time Faith and Erin are cooling off in an inflatable pool these days. It's a good alternative to our community pool for now. I've added some pictures. Enjoy!

Tim signing in for Father's Day

2008-06-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, it's Tim again. I've been visiting Elyse's site to read Susan's blog every week, but I thought that I would chime in once again with my thoughts for father's day.

Faith and Erin are now walking, dancing and saying "Abba" (Korean for Daddy). It cracks me up to see these little human beings walking around and touching everything within reach. Faith is the more experienced walker so she wobbles less as she walks around, while Erin takes multiple mini-quick steps while striking a superman pose with her arms. Just imagine how Speedy Gonzales would have walked as a baby and you'll have a fair idea of what Erin looks like when she's walking. Oh, and they sway and nod their heads to any beat or music that they hear. Of course they say Um-Ma (Korean for Mom) and lots of other words and do many adorable things, but personally I like hearing "Abba" the best.

Why is it so great? I guess it's because I can see that they understand that I am their dad. I'm sure moms could relate also. Faith and Erin put so much of themselves into it as they point, stretch out their hands and grin from ear to ear as they call out to me. Then they wait for my response, which usually mirrors their excitement topped with a goofy expression. It may not seem like a significant exchange, but let me tell you, we speak volumes to each other.

Then I started to wonder if God, our heavenly Father feels the same as I do when He hears his children calling out "Abba" to Him. Maybe He doesn't need to hear a lot of words and drawn out prayers. Saying "Abba" can speak volumes if it is combined with the love and excitement we have in our hearts towards Him.

Happy father's day.

We are thinking of you Gary and Toya.

-tim

Family in mourning

2008-06-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

While Elyse was in the BMT Unit, one of her neighbors was a smart and vivacious 5-year-old girl who was discharged after almost a 3-month stay in the Unit shortly after Elyse was admitted. I remember the day when her parents were so happy to take her home. When Elyse's condition was deteriorating, her mom and I talked with tears in our eyes. It's been almost a year since her bone marrow transplant and we just received word from her parents that she went to be with the Lord 2 days ago after being readmitted for a common cold she was fighting. Her parents are bold and amazing people who even shared the gospel with the hospital staff. I know that their faith in God will carry them through this difficult season but they also need our prayers. Please remember Gary and Toya in your prayers. We will be attending their daughter's memorial service at Grace Community Church next week to offer our support to the family.

Socalhistiowalk 2008

2008-06-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Some of you may remember....we attended the Socalhistiowalk last year. It's a HAA (Histiocytosis Association of America) fundraising event. Just to fill you in....for those of you who are not aware...HLH is considered an "orphan" disease because it strikes too few people to generate government funding for research into its cause, treatment, hopefully a cure and ultimately prevention. So, fundraising is done independently. If you're interested in finding out more about the HAA, here is their website: www.histio.org
For a list of all fundraising campaigns, please click "Special Events."
For this year's event, I was asked to write about Elyse's story for their brochure and submit a photo of her as well. Going through the chronology of events and searching for a photo of Elyse still and, I suppose, always will gnaw at my aching heart on some level. I will always miss her but I am also very proud of our Elyse for the way she moved and inspired so many people.

Last year's event took place just 2 weeks after Elyse's passing so we were, at first, hesitant about attending. At the time, we were in a state of shock, struggling with acceptance and just so grief-stricken that we thought it would be pointless to attend. After some nudging from another HLH family, we decided to attend. It was comforting to be surrounded by people we can relate with. We were also humbled and moved by brave and dedicated parents who continue to fight this horrible disease in so many ways.

First week without our nanny

2008-06-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

Faith and Erin have turned 16 months old now and this is the first week that we are without our nanny. She was with us since the girls were 1 month old so we will miss her dearly. She loved the girls like her own. While she cared for our little ones as a mother would, she also kept our house very clean and organized. I expressed my gratitude to her for all the love she poured out to Elyse, Faith and Erin. It was quite an emotional goodbye for both of us. She became quite attached to the girls, I would imagine. Mentioning Elyse again opened the floodgates of memories. During my stay at the hospital after giving birth, one of the nurses mentioned that it seemed like Elyse was my favorite and that I'm allowed to have favorites. Of course I never did have favorites. I still don't. They are all very special in their own way. Even during their sleeps, they all did something different. Elyse always smiled in her sleep as an infant. Faith would get startled easily in her sleep. Erin grunted and stretched a lot. I'm looking forward to reuniting with Elyse when I get to heaven someday but for now Faith and Erin depend on me for everything. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed this week without an extra pair of hands. I'm sure I'll get used to working efficiently on my own once I give myself some time to adapt to yet another chapter in our lives.

another round of colds

2008-05-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know Faith and Erin were hit with another round of colds - sneezing, coughing, wheezing, fever...the whole nine yards. Probably the worst cold to date for both. This meant sleepless nights for mom and dad. As much as I wash my hands and theirs, use hand sanitizers and such, I can't seem to prevent those icky viruses from invading our household. Of course, keeping germs away completely is almost impossible. So what do I do? I'll have to just come to terms with the fact that getting sick is just part of growing up for the little ones. I suppose this is how they build their immune system. I read in the American Academy of Pediatrics' Caring For Your Baby And Young Child that babies will typically get sick with a common cold 8-10 times before turning 2.

Our Friend Kayti

2008-05-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

A few entries back, I wrote about our dear friend Kayti who was preparing to undergo surgery to remove a tumor from her spine. Well, I've been receiving regular updates on her progress and she is doing well. She'll continue her physical therapy at home after she's discharged tomorrow. Kayti is a fighter so I'm sure her endurance will carry her through this difficult time of recovery. But most of all, the Lord will be her strength and hope to push ahead. Please remember Kayti in your prayers. Thank you everyone.

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T13:38:00.001-07:00

As much as I try to block out certain memories of Elyse sometimes just to keep my sanity, there will always be one reminder after another. Mother's Day is one of those reminders because Elyse was in the hospital right around this time one year ago. She was only a tiny 3-month-old baby diagnosed with a rare blood disorder. Her prognosis was uncertain. We didn't know if she would live or die. I lost my voice from a cold and was exhausted. Mother's Day was the last thing on my mind but Shannon, my sister-in-law, was thoughtful enough to bring me a Mother's Day gift to the hospital. Looking back, I was so grateful for the blessing to be mom to Elyse, Faith and Erin. After all, I yearned to become a mom for years. Thank you, Shannon.

Remembering Elyse once more

2008-05-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

I took the girls to the soft play area at the mall today before lunch hoping to work up their appetite. The girls have been a bit finicky lately....more on that later. So the girls were playing and this little girl walks up to Faith and is just so affectionate. It's really just heartwarming to see kids so innocently trying to communicate with each other - reaching out to hug and touch their faces. She seemed to be close in age to our girls. The mom came over and we started to talk. She asked me if I was Elyse's mom. She read about Elyse in the Koream Journal and forwarded our story to everyone she knew. I was humbled by her kindness and compassion. Sharing how I am doing lately was kind of therapeutic. I felt a sense of release. Perhaps this is what I need to do more often. Thank you Anne !

A trip to the park

2008-05-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

The morning hours almost always go by pretty quickly but the late afternoon hours sometimes can drag on. So I took the girls to the park today around 4pm. We were there yesterday too. The park is walking distance but it's on top of a hill so we drove. Faith was busy walking and exploring the playground. Erin did not let go of my hand and wanted to be walked everywhere. Faith prefers the slide. Erin loves the swing. They truly are so different.

Faith is quite the social butterfly. She waves "hi" to most people she sees but especially to other kids. We met a mom with two boys- one was 8 months old and his brother was 2 1/2. Faith waved to the boys and the mom took notice. The mom asked me a familiar question, "Are they twins?". I just said "yes" but I told her that they're fraternal. She had a very easy-going sensibility about her so I felt comfortable telling her about Elyse. I told her that they're actually triplets and I lost Elyse at 8 months old. I went on to tell her a little bit about Elyse's journey...our journey. Talking about Elyse even with a complete stranger made my heart sink. A sort of dull ache I always feel inside intensified with every spoken word about Elyse. She mentioned that I seem to be handling the situation very well. I told her that I have my moments....some days are harder to get through than others. I'm not sure if I could have kept my voice steady and not choke up if I had this conversation even a few months ago. So I think I am doing better today than 7 months ago. Everyday I continue to live but always with Elyse on my mind. I miss her.

What's for dinner tonight ?

2008-04-23T22:50:00.001-07:00

Well, I decided to tackle dinner last night. Guess what ? No broken glass this time. :) I remembered not to put a lid on top of steaming-hot-just-cooked food. Oh, I didn't have a lid to put on anyways. The whole family enjoyed chicken marsala and mashed potatoes and I even had the leftovers for lunch today.

A dear friend in need of prayer

2008-04-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

Throughout our journey while Elyse was with us, we met and heard from so many compassionate supporters. Kayti Chung heard about Elyse's story through Facebook and immediately organized a bone marrow drive in Philadelphia and registered 147 people. She even came to visit us here in California. We were so happy that Elyse, Faith and Erin got a chance to meet Kayti. It happened to be meal time when Kayti was here so she even fed them cereal. Well, Kayti is fighting her own battle right now. She has to undergo risky surgery to remove a tumor that's intertwined in the spinal cord in the C1/C2 area. It has no boundaries so the whole "thing" can't be taken out. Just to give you an idea of what she's going through right now...she lost feeling in her left arm...she has numbness in her left leg and tremors in her left hand. Her surgery is set for May 9th so please pray for God's protection and healing for Kayti.

The past two weeks

2008-04-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written a post. I actually turned on my computer several times these past few weeks with the intent to blog but ended up crawling into bed exhausted. Lately I've been feeling so spent at the end of the day....maybe because the girls are much more mobile now. The girls are almost 15 months now. Time flies ! Faith has been walking now for over a month now. Erin wants to be walked by us with just one hand (not two !). Feeding times have been challenging sometimes. I've noticed that Faith is a finicky eater. I try my best to vary their menu but I can't seem to keep up with Faith's choosiness. It's really a hit or miss on some days. Erin, on the other hand, doesn't know when to stop eating. As soon as she finishes her meal, if she spots a box of cheerios or rice puffs anywhere, she'll make it very clear that that's what she wants. It's fascinating to see how different they are.

A few weeks ago, Tim and I bumped into Maria, a nurse at the Day Hospital (at Children's), while we were out shopping at Target with the girls. For those of you not familiar with Children's...Day Hospital is where we took Elyse for chemotherapy. She almost called me Elizabeth...probably because she remembered Elyse. I thanked her for her compassion towards Elyse. Elyse was one of just a handful of babies on chemotherapy treatment at Children's so she received a lot of love and special attention from dedicated nurses. She mentioned that it's nice to see me outside the hospital. Urgh...the waves of emotion just has no end. The vivid memories of Elyse crowded my mind as I was driving out of my parking space. My heart ached longing to hold her once again. It was one of my more difficult days.

A Shattering Day

2008-04-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

As much as every minute with our little ones is so precious, I admit, I look forward to their nap times when I can carve out an hour or two to read, surf the net, or snooze. This past Wednesday was a bit of a hard day. For their morning nap, Faith woke up prematurely crying (I'm not sure why!!??...maybe teething). Her crying woke Erin. That was the end of that nap. For their afternoon nap, Erin wakes up prematurely... maybe 40 minutes into her nap. She woke up crying so this woke Faith. Once a sleep disturbance wakes them up they will not go to sleep again for a while. I had to keep them up until bedtime which is at 8pm. So since Tim came home early that day, we changed shifts and I went out for some grocery shopping while he spent some time with the girls. I had my heart set on making some chicken marsala for dinner. I went to Whole Foods to pick up some marsala wine, mushrooms and prosciutto. I always use Tyler Florence's recipe for chicken marsala...it's fast and delicious. Check out the recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_24021,00.html
You're still probably wondering what the story is behind the photo. Well, here it is. Earlier in the week, I bought some green beans at Trader Joe's so I was planning on serving that with the chicken. Chicken marsala was done when I was getting ready to drain the boiled green beans. The chicken was steaming hot and for whatever reason I decided to put a lid on it while I prepared the green beans. The lid, made of glass as you can see, shattered instantly. I thought these glass lids were tempered and heat-proof. Well, evidently, they're not...not completely. Tim and I were just staring down at the pan with the lid handle resting so comfortably right on top of the chicken and we were both thinking....there goes our dinner. At this point, I was starving. Tim heated some dino nuggets and we both chewed some while comtemplating what we should now have for dinner. We ordered some hot wings and Tim quickly put together some beef stir-fry with the green beans. Not bad...the chicken marsala would have been good too. Well, I'll have to make it on another day. Hope you all try the recipe.

Taking comfort and having hope in the Word of God

2008-03-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

It's been about 5 months since Elyse passed and there are days when certain sights, sounds and smells can trigger a string of painful memories. Times like these make our stomachs twist and turn. Mourning the loss of our Elyse has its ups and downs. We have our good days and bad days. Throughout the process we have sought guidance and comfort from each other and from several books on grieving. After reading 'Safe in the Arms of God' by John MacArthur, I thought....hmmmm...wouldn't it be great to talk to someone who can offer biblical counseling in much the same way the book does. I contacted Grace Community Church where John MacArthur is a senior pastor. The staff pastor there connected us to a wonderful pastor who was willing to meet with us for a few sessions. Our first meeting yesterday was encouraging and gave us hope for the future. It was also painful to recount what happened to Elyse. We were reminded that despite the pain we carry we should still strive to be good stewards of God. Also, despite how difficult it may be, we should trust in God's sovereignty. He offered this verse...

"He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he." (Deut.32:4).

He also offered several verses of comfort,"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."(Philippians 4:6-9)

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16)

The pastor also gave us a book entitled 'Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts' by Jerry Bridges. I just started reading the first few pages and I would recommend it to everyone who is experiencing adversity in their lives on any level.

We shed some tears but we left the meeting encouraged and strengthened by the Word of God. We are looking forward to meeting with the pastor again sometime in April.

A busy week

2008-03-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

I hope you are staying healthy. Tim caught a nasty cold bug last week and is finally feeling better. By Wednesday, Erin was having the same symptoms. So while Faith spent the morning with our nanny, Tim, Erin and I went to urgent care. Turns out, Tim has an ear infection along with a cold. Erin's diagnosis: possible strepthroat. She was put on antibiotics. Wednesday evening, Faith has a runny nose and fever. Thursday, I'm back at the doctor's office with Faith. Her diagnosis: probably caught the same thing that dad has. On Saturday we noticed red dots on her body. I talked to an on-call nurse and was told to have her seen by a doctor at urgent care. So I was back at urgent care with Faith on Sunday afternoon. Faith's diagnosis: the same virus that made her sick caused the rash also. I am looking forward to things normalizing again.

New Pictures Added

2008-03-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

Faith and Erin are growing so fast. Hope you enjoy the new photos.

-Tim

Rearranging the nursery

2008-03-06T11:29:00.000-08:00

I am really happy that the girls' bedtime has been moved up to 8pm. One night last week, Tim and I watched an entire movie (from beginning to end !) without interruption. That was quite a treat. If you haven't seen 'Pursuit of Happiness', I highly recommend it. It was heartbreaking to see what Will Smith's character had to go through but what a tremendous success story. It was inspiring.

When we had Elyse, she spent her nights in our room and Faith and Erin slept in the nursery with either my mom or mother-in-law. With Elyse no longer with us, Tim and I decided to handle Faith and Erin's nighttime wakings on our own. At 8-months-old, they were still waking up night after night. To avoid one disturbing the other, we started to have one sleep in our room and one in their nursery. This seemed to help a bit. When we started to sleep-train, we decided to finally have them sleep in their own room. Initially, I was worried that they would continue to wake each other but it's really not a problem anymore. Their nighttime wakings have decreased probably due to their regular wake/sleep times.

After Tim and I was done rearranging the nursery, we were overwhelmed with sadness remembering what the nursery originally looked like with three cribs. We have so many things in 3's as you can imagine - 3 mobiles, 3 cribs, 3 boppies, 3 bath robes, etc. I suppose some of the baby gear we don't use anymore we can either donate or sell them on craigslist. It's heartrending to think about parting with anything that Elyse used or touched. I hope that this subsides over time. After all, they're only material things with sentimental value because I give them that value. For now though, this is where I am.

Picking up the pace

2008-02-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about going to the gym for a while now. I finally went today and it feels great ! It's been about 2 years since I stepped inside a gym so it really felt good to do something good for my body. When I started fertility treatments, I didn't want to jeopardize a possible pregnancy so I was extremely careful with my body. When I found out I was pregnant (with triplets!) after four years of trying, I became even more cautious. By the second trimester, I was too heavy to exercise. After a 2-year hiatus, I decided to go easy on myself and start slow - 15 minutes on the elliptical machine to get my heart rate up, 30 minutes for my arms/upper body. I heard the cycling classes are really challenging but a lot of fun. I'll have to work my way up to those cycling classes to avoid passing out I'm sure.

12-month doctor's visit

2008-02-22T21:14:00.000-08:00

We took Faith and Erin to their 12-month checkup this week. I must say the last two doctor's visits were especially difficult. We were able to take all three of our girls to their 3-month and 6-month visits. Their 9-month visit was without Elyse. This week's visit was again without Elyse. Sitting in the waiting room was excruciating. Memories of the last time we brought all three girls simply flooded my mind. Taking three babies out in public always attracts a lot of attention for obvious reasons. For their 6-month appointment, I remember walking into the waiting room with Faith and Erin in the double stroller and Elyse in the baby carrier(I wanted to keep her close since her immune system was suppressed)....people immediately turned their heads and smiled or took a quick glance and looked away. The next thing most people do is whisper to each other about how many babies there are. That day one woman even came up to me and asked, "Are they all yours?". I said, "Yes." She shared with me that she gave birth to twins but one didn't make it. I thanked her for her openness. It is still truly a struggle to come to terms with the fact that Elyse is physically not with us anymore. We miss her dearly. She was such a gentle soul.... As for Faith and Erin, we needed to reschedule their 1-year shots because of Erin's temperature. She had a slight fever from a cold she probably caught from Faith. It's definitely a challenge to keep them from catching colds from each other. As for their height and weight, they're on track...although they're certainly not big babies.

1st Birthday

2008-02-20T22:23:00.000-08:00

I finally had some time to post photos of their first birthday. It is hard to believe how quickly they turned one. Faith and Erin looked beautiful in their Han-Boke (traditional Korean dress)that Susan's mom got for them & the red outfits that Aunt Song made for them. We are so blessed to have so many friends and family members looking out for them. Though both of them may not remember any of this, they will have photos, a video and messages in a bottle to describe what their first birthday was like.

I wanted to remember Elyse during the birthday celebration and had my mind made up to mention how grateful we were to everyone there for supporting and lovng Elyse so much while she was with us. But, when time came to stand in front of everyone to thank them, just the thought of mentioning Elyse's name stirred up so much emotion and memories that I could not go through with it. Birthdays are happy occasions and tears would not have been appropriate. I was so thankful to our friend and pastor Chris Lee who did a wonderful job of expressing what Susan and I intended to do.

I hope you enjoy the new pictures.

-Tim

An A+ for Faith and Erin !

2008-02-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

Faith and Erin have been doing better each time they soothe themselves to sleep. We're so proud of them. On Sunday, because of a get-together at my parents' house, we were running a bit late for their bedtime routine. As soon as we bathed them, we put them in their cribs. They were all smiles when they got into their cribs and even when we left the room. There was absolutely no protesting. We were just ecstatic to have complete silence in the house almost immediately after they were in their cribs. I wonder how they'll do tonight....

Progress update on sleep-training

2008-02-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

Babies really do adjust well to change just as I've been told by many moms out there. They are quick to let go of old habits. It has been almost a week since Faith and Erin got a crash course in sleep-training. The length of time it takes for them to go to sleep has definitely shrunk. I've been keeping them on a consistent schedule and routine. Between 6:45-7:00am Wake, milk; 8:00am breakfast; 9:30am-11:30am nap; 12:00 milk; 1:00 lunch; 3:00pm-4:30pm nap; 5:30pm milk; 6:30pm dinner; 8:30pm milk; 9:00pm sleep. I would definitely like to make some additional adjustments but this is their schedule for now. I'd like to have them go to bed at 8:30pm. Maybe I need to shrink their nap times.....or maybe I need to wake them up earlier, maybe at 6:30am....and put them to bed 15 minutes earlier each day...I don't think they're ready to take just one nap yet. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. For bedtimes, both Faith and Erin are now going to sleep on their own in about 10 minutes after some protesting, crying and rolling around in their cribs. When Tim and I leave them in their cribs for their nighttime sleep, they start crying immediately with their arms stretched out to us. This separation is probably more painful for me and Tim than for the girls. It breaks my heart to leave them crying and screaming. It feels like I'm subjecting them to cruel and unusual punishment. Just a couple of minutes after we leave the room, crying dies down and they each try to find a comfortable spot in the crib to lie down and soon fall asleep. I am just amazed. Naptimes have been more of a struggle for Erin. While Faith is falling asleep in about 10-15 minutes, it takes Erin about 20-30 minutes to fall asleep. I'm hoping that this will whittle down to 10 minutes to 7 minutes to just a few minutes (and without crying).

Letting go

2008-02-06T10:56:00.000-08:00

Since Elyse passed, I've been placing all of her belongings on my desk next to the crib she slept in. She really didn't own too many things....how much can an 8-month-old leave behind, really. A few weeks after she passed, I took out a onesie she used to wear a lot from the drawer and added it to the pile of things on my desk. I bought this for her because she outgrew all her onesies. Taking steroids causes excessive weight-gain. The collage of Elyse's belongings slowly accummulating on my desk included a notebook we kept since she was admitted to CHLA, her CHLA ID card we showed to registration before getting her vitals taken at triage at every chemo appointment, her ID band from Northridge Hospital, BMT pictures, clothes we received as gifts that I'll never see her wear, a lullaby CD she started listening to at the hospital when she was first transferred to CHLA, a notebook I started for BMT and post-BMT recovery notes, condolence cards from her memorial service, etc. I thought that I can't just leave her things on my desk forever. I have to admit...seeing her things on my desk everyday made me feel like a part of her was still near me. After four months, I finally decided that I should put them away in a box for safekeeping. I purchased a colorfully-striped fabric-covered box for Elyse's belongings. A few weeks ago, I finally mustered up the courage to put away her things. It was one of the more painful tasks. It was definitely a process of letting go.

Sleep-training

2008-02-05T15:50:00.000-08:00

I can't believe Faith and Erin are already one. They are such bundles of joy ! (most of the time...).however, when they struggle to go to sleep for naps and bedtime, joy quickly turns into anguish for both me and the girls. You know what I'm talking about, moms. So a few weeks before their first birthday, I realized that they really needed to be trained to fall asleep on their own. We thought this past Saturday night was a good time to start because it was an exhausting day for them (per all the experts (moms!!) i've talked to). We braced ourselves for the worst - continuous crying for 1-2 hours, crying 'til they throw up, etc. Saturday night we gave them a bath and then their milk. They both fell asleep drinking their bottle. So that was easy. Sunday night - the same thing. Tim and I looked at each other and smiled. Monday morning, training was underway. At around 9:30am, Faith and Erin were in their cribs. I turned on their lullabies CD, kissed them goodbye, left the room and closed the door. They struggled for about 20 minutes and went to sleep. For their afternoon naps, the same thing. For bedtime, they were up for about 20 minutes and fell asleep. Today was a different story. It took them 40 minutes to fall asleep in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon. I'm curious about tonight. I'll have to push forward with their training and schedule even though their crying is sometimes hard to bear. Any advice on sleep-training would be greatly appreciated ! I ordered Dr. Ferber's book and anxiously checked my mailbox everyday only to receive a defective copy...it was missing the first 10 pages ! So I had to order a replacement copy. It's on its way. My advice to first-time moms out there - train your babies to sleep on their own early on ! It's a good thing.

Turning One

2008-01-21T21:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the double blog entry, especially when they have two very different tones. Faith and Erin's first birthday is stirring a lot of emotions in us. We are so happy to be celebrating Faith and Erin's birthday, but the memories of Elyse simply makes us cry to know that she did not live long enough to see this day.

Memories of Elyse have been visiting me more often these days. Especially when I am driving alone or in the evening when the sounds and distractions of the world fade away. I guess Susan and I put our "game faces" on during the holidays to get through the craziness, but now the hustle and bustle is settling down and the reminder of what happened is slowly sinking in again. We are doing a lot better than 2 months ago, but the pain of our loss is still fresh as you may have read in Susan's blog entry.

I find myself wondering what Elyse would be doing now as I see Erin sitting up on her own and as I see Faith cautiously balancing herself and preparing for her first step. A part of me tells God that this is so unfair, but another part is comforted as I remember that Elyse is alive in heaven with her true Father. This must be one of the most powerful things about having faith in Jesus, that we do not truly die, but we will all be reunited with our loved ones someday (1 Corinthians 15:35-58).

I've read two books on the subject of losing a child and I am currently reading my third book. It is comforting to get a strong Christian's point of view on losing a child and I wonder when I will be able to give such a powerful testimony. I know that there is a time for everything under the sun and it is a time to cry for now, but what a comfort we have in Jesus!

-Tim

A Message in a Bottle

2008-01-21T21:11:00.000-08:00

Faith and Erin's birthday is just around the corner and we wanted to do something memorable for them. We searched the net and found and interesting idea to give them a message in a bottle from friends and family members (including our blog family), which they will read on their 18th birthday (2025).

Please give us your messages by commenting to this blog. It can be a poem, drawing, bible verse or a link to your youtube video (if you think that it will still be there 17 years from now). We will print your messages with your name and include them in the bottle.

A Gift of Comfort

2008-01-17T12:41:00.000-08:00

I received the most thoughtful and comforting gift from Lisa Ager, a mom of five (identical triplets and two older children WOW!). Lisa heard about our journey a few months ago through a local triplet group in northern California and have been following Elyse's story ever since. When Lisa heard about our story, she wanted to purchase a necklace with our girls' names on it. Coincidentally, a new member of the triplet group started a business called Very Swank (www.veryswank.com) and she and her partner wanted to so generously donate a necklace. I received the necklace in the mail the day before Christmas. As I was opening the package, I could not hold back the flood of tears. Looking at the beautifully engraved letters "f-a-i-t-h" and "e-r-i-n" and then "e-l-y-s-e", I was filled with sadness that I could no longer look into her eyes or have her near me....for now, that is. I went through my usual cycle of emotions when I'm reminded of Elyse. Ever since Elyse was called to heaven, I've been feeling such an overwhelming emptiness in the space in my heart that Elyse occupied. When I put on the necklace and saw the three names side by side, I realized that the gap in my heart will take some time to heal but I can always keep her together with Faith and Erin close to my heart. Thank you for this very special gift of comfort, Lisa and Very Swank!

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T22:06:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone.

As we look back at 2007, it feels like we've gained 5 years in life-experience and aged that much in the process. We've climbed to the highest mountain and walked through the "Valley of Shadow of Death" and found that Our Shepherd was waiting for us in both places. What comfort we have in His presence. We also found our friends there also and we would like to thank you all for taking the journey with us.

We've read that time will heal our wounds and though this is generally true, there is something that heals deeper than time. It is the knowledge that there is a place beyond this world called heaven and we can all enter through Jesus Christ (John 14:6).

With Elyse's Home-Going, Heaven has become more real to us and death has truly lost it's sting. We have a new perspective on death and heaven (read 1 Corinthians 15). It is not the end, but the begining of eternity in a perfect place with a loving Father. We have a precious daughter waiting for us when we are called to go to our eternal home. This may sound strange to those who have not experienced what we have, but I can't wait to go (don't worry, we are not suicidal...you get the idea). In the end, we will have clear answers to our "Why Questions." Or, we may just say "Why of course that's why" when we simply see Jesus for the first time as the Pastor of Zig Ziggler stated in the book "Confessions of a Grieving Christian."

Faith and Erin are 11 months now and we are amazed at how each of them are developing by the day. They are understanding words and associating certain motions to them. They are a joy to be around and we love them dearly. We hope to be good parents to the both of them. Thank you for your continued prayers and visits to this blog site. It is comforting to park myself here for a while, it almost feels like I'm visiting with friends while I am here.

I hope that 2008 will be memorable and full of goodness and blessing for all of you. Thank you and Happy New Year once again.

A week without our nanny

2007-12-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

It's been a pretty hectic several days without our nanny here to help us. She went home on Wednesday with a cold and will return after the new year. I have a new appreciation for our nanny. These past few days, I felt like I was juggling ten different tasks at once every hour of every day. Bless my mom and my sister who came to help this week. After several stressful days, it was nice to round out the week spending time with close friends over dim sum in chinatown today. Thank you guys for the wonderful company.

Looking forward to nanny returning. :)

A quick recovery for Erin

2007-12-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Winter is here and this means colds season. Erin caught a cold bug and the first night was rough. She woke up every hour. She lost her appetite for milk so she's been eating mostly solids for the past couple of days. She's regained her appetite today and is feeding better. Tim took her to urgent care because of a slight fever. The doctor simply said that she had a cold and should be better in about 5 days. As I was waiting at home for Erin to return home, I couldn't help but to think back to that Saturday when Tim and I took Elyse to urgent care because her fever wouldn't subside after 5 days. As you can imagine, I was anxiously waiting and hoping to hear from Tim that Erin just has a common cold and nothing more. What a relief when Tim called me !

I hope everyone has a prosperous and healthy 2008.

New Pictures Added

2007-12-25T00:11:00.000-08:00

We added new pictures today. Also, Rev. Kang sponsored marrow drive is being arranged with Cammy Lee Leukemia Foundation. Please check for information here and tell all of your Houston, Texas contacts about it. There are still more lives to save!

Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you for your prayers.

Thank You for Your Encouragements

2007-12-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

I hope Inee and Rev. Kang won't mind us sharing this with everyone on Elyse's Blog. We have gained so much strength from reading these that we wanted to share it with all of Elyse's friends.

---->
Dear Tim, Susan, Erin, Faith,

I was introduced to Elyse this past summer and was moved by your bravery and your unwaivering trust in our Lord. I was absolutely shocked to check in today and catch up on the past few months.

I won't pretend to know what it was like these past few months. And I hope you'll find my email encouraging, instead of painful.

Elyse is the bravest person I know. It must be from her family's love and prayer. She's an amazing human being, and I can honestly say I can't wait to meet her. I am so very sorry that she isn't with you physically. I am hurting with you and mourning with you, and I apologize that I am so late on my part. I wish I knew what to say to help with this recovery but everything is sounding a bit clumsy.

I really wanted to take this time to say that everyone in the Yu family are my heros. The strength of your faith has touched me greatly, and helped me to reconnect with our Lord. Your ability to love God, raise your beautiful girls, and not give in to the urge to stand still is amazing. As difficult as these times may be, I hope you find comfort in knowing that God is truly watching over you and you will all be reunited with a healthy, happy Elyse.

I know there are good days, but with those come some bad ones. I hope you continue to find strength in our Lord and feel comforted knowing that strangers have been touched by Elyse's life and we are still praying for your family.

Thank you for sharing your journey, your daughter, your struggles, your joys, your life- it is truly and inspiration and encouragement to me.

Through God's love,
Inee

P.S. Erin and Faith are growing up to be such beautiful girls! I hope you continue to keep us updated.

---->
revkang said...

May God's peace continue to work in your lives... truly i was moved, inspired and motivated by the story of your precious Elyse.

would it be possible to have a marrow donor drive in Elyse's name (to add to the wonderful count of 3000?).

it is such an amazing testimony of faith and ultimate hope..
i am pastor of a church here in houston tx. God just led me through various friends on facebook to your story...
peace to you,

Link to Rev. Kang's Church site (http://pathwayshouston.org)

An Encouragement Remembered

2007-12-14T22:10:00.000-08:00

(Please Click on the Image to enlarge)

Hello,

We wanted to share this encouraging card that we received from a 5 year old girl named Jaime and her mom a while back when Elyse was going through Chemo. I hope that it will encourage you all as it did for us. Thank you Jaime!

Links to Koream articles added

2007-12-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to let you all know that I've added links to the Koream articles.

-Susan

Updated New Pictures

2007-12-13T22:42:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone please see our latest family photos. Thank you for coming by and checking up on us.

It's been a while

2007-12-12T23:14:00.002-08:00

It has been a while since I posted on Elyse's site. Susan has been diligently updating everyone on what we've been doing for the past 2 months while I laid low. Emotions are still up in the air and we are waiting for them to settle to the surface. For now we wonder if they will ever settle. My heart jumped and a rush of emotions surged through me as I visited Elyse's web albums today. I haven't had the strength to open Elyse's Memorial Slide show since her funeral and I don't know when I will be ready to sit and watch it again.

Life goes on whether we want to or not. It is strange yet nice to see people's posts on Facebook and Myspace. Life seems to be moving forward for all of our friends. News of travels, new encounters and relationships are posted on their sites. Our days are still crawling along at a snail's pace as we tip-toe around memories of our dear Elyse hoping to let our emotions settle enough to muster up the courage to revisit happy memories of her.

Difficult events lie ahead and yet looking back we have navigated through rough waters even in the past 2 months. Elyse's memorial plaque will be in place soon and Susan and I will be visiting Rose Hills soon. It will be the first time since the burial service. I am sure it will stir up memories and emotions when we are there. We may ask our friends to join us for support. Our friends have been such a blessing to us.

We have been compartmentalizing our emotions so that we could begin to live a "normal" life. It wouldn't be appropriate to cry in front of strangers while conducting business or while at the check-out line at the grocery store. We are trying to define normal and make sense of what we can each day. We are TRYING HARD to get through all of this by clinging to Jesus. We can't complain to God..that he does not understand what we are going through because he has experienced the same loss to save us all. That is comforting.

Elyse's life was only 8 months long and it brings tears to my eyes and pains me to the core every time I realize how short that time was. I hope that many would benefit through her marrow drives and the sharing of her story through her website.

Blessings and Peace to you all in the name of Our Lord Jesus!

A visit to grandparents' house

2007-12-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after church we took Faith and Erin to visit grandma and grandpa. They usually come to our house and stay for a few days to spend quality time with the girls. It was definitely a nice surprise for the grandparents. While Faith and Erin napped (I think Tim was napping also when I got back), I was able to get away to run some errands. Going to the bakery and Rite Aid certainly doesn't qualify as a self-pampering activity but nonetheless it was a nice moment by myself to breathe and relax. I think all moms can relate. Right ladies? When I got back, both girls were awake happy and playing with grandparents. Faith is constantly standing up every chance she gets. She stands for a few seconds and falls and gets right back up again. She's very persistent. I think she'll start walking soon. Erin is extremely limber. I mentioned this to some of my friends....She sleeps doing splits sometimes. I'll have to take pictures of this and upload it to the blog site.

Organizing pictures

2007-12-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

I finally mustered up the courage to organize all the pictures I ordered from Shutterfly. I've made several attempts in the past month to do this but I always ended up in tears going through Elyse's pictures and had to set them aside until yesterday. I don't know if it will be that much easier if I do it a year from now. So I just took the plunge and organized them and placed them into an album as quickly as I can. Every picture of Elyse I hold in my hand makes me pause and think back to the moment captured in the photo. As I had all the photos spread out on my bedroom floor, Tim came in and looked through them. He mentioned how much he missed her. Every quiet moment that Tim and I have thinking about Elyse just stirs our emotions. At the end of every one of these moments reality bites and we realize again that we will have to go on without her for now until we see her again in heaven. I decided not to incorporate Elyse's BMT photos with the other photos. The images are still just too fresh in my mind and too painful to see. I will have to save these photos in a separate album for safekeeping with Elyse's other belongings. I need to find a box or a nice chest to store Elyse's belongings. If anyone can suggest a store where I can find a pretty box/chest, please let me know.

Another HLH baby

2007-11-27T14:28:00.000-08:00

Jonah Chuang is almost 4-months-old and he is currently undergoing BMT. His family will be waiting to see how his brother's marrow settles into his body. However, during the bone marrow harvest, the needle was put into Ethan's, Jonah's brother, spinal canal instead of just his pelvic bone. They will have to see the extent of the damage when he wakes up from several days of sedation. Please keep this family in your prayers. To read more, go to www.savejonah.com.

-Susan

Thanksgiving Day at the Yu's

2007-11-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a memorable Thanksgiving Day. Tim and I had both of our parents over for Thanksgiving along with my brother's family. As much as I wanted to, I didn't have the strength to cook the entire meal from scratch so we catered and spruced up the sides with some creativity. We got rave reviews for the turkey (from Albertsons)! The food was good but the unforgettable highlight of the day was my brother's 2-year-old son, Joseph's rendition of his dad giving sermon on the pulpit (My brother is a pastor). He placed a book on a music stand and with his arms lifted he shouted "Hallelujah!". Everyone stopped what they were doing and couldn't stop laughing. When he realized that all eyes were on him, I think he gained momentum at that point and repeated "hallelujah" dozens of times and chuckled in between each one. He shouted with such conviction. It's really amazing how children make us laugh. They also laugh so unexpectedly. We noticed that when Faith sneezes, Erin laughs and this starts a chain reaction and we find ourselves laughing. We momentarily forget about how much we miss Elyse.

As much as I'd like to simply enjoy the company of my family on days like this, it's hard to get through the day without thinking about Elyse. Sometimes I feel like I'm really in a catch-22. I want to keep her memories alive but as my thoughts turn toward Elyse, that slow searing pain is torturous. Thoughts just randomly crop up.....Elyse would have been home by today or very close to being discharged from the hospital...today would have been day+65 post-BMT...she would have 100% donor cells and full engrafment by now...we would have been so thankful today on Thanksgiving Day to see Elyse well on her way to full recovery.. As I sit here writing this, my heart is heavy. It's a daily struggle. I don't want my mind to wander and think back on what could've been ....would've been. All I can say for now is that I suppose this is all part of mourning for Elyse. It's a process. It's a very difficult process to go through. It's very tough. I ask for your prayers.

-Susan

Memorial article in the Koream Journal

2007-11-21T17:48:00.000-08:00

Our heartfelt appreciation goes out to Michelle Woo of Koream Journal for doing a memorial article on Elyse. It's in the November issue.

-Susan

Overdue thank yous...

2007-11-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

During this difficult time, it's so easy to just look inward and become fixated on the memories of Elyse and our personal pain. I don't think we really took the time to acknowledge so many of you who offered your love and encouragement and sacrificed your time and energy during this journey.

Here is a very long list of people we owe our thank yous to:

Our parents for tirelessly looking after our girls.

Shannon for making countless trips to California from the east coast to pour out her love and support.

Jennie, Bryan, Christine and David for your constant prayers and support...giving up your Saturdays and Sundays to offer your support.

Sharon for giving up your Saturdays to look after Elyse at the hospital and our girls at home. Thank you also for maintaining Elyse's myspace.

Kyung Sun for spending many days and nights producing Elyse's story for us on such short notice.

Song and Jerry, thank you for the hearty meals. Song, thank you for spending the afternoon with me at the hospital when Elyse was first hospitalized. I really needed a friend to lean on that day.

J.P. for leading the strategy meeting and motivating our friends and contacts to have bone marrow drives wherever they can.

Tom and Laura for offering your support in so many ways. Laura, you offered your swedish masssages when I needed them most. For driving our nanny home for so many weeks. Thank you for always generously making yourselves available.

Susan and Jae for the useful cot. Thanks to you both Tim and I were able to sleep comfortably in Elyse's hospital room. And thank you to Susan for going to the BMT Unit to pick up Elyse's belongings on our behalf. I don't think I'd have the strength to go back there for a long time.

Teresa and Susy for visiting us at the hospital and satisfying our hunger with King Taco. Thank you for listening that day. I guess I had a lot to vent that day.

Thank you Sam and Carolyn for making the trip out to LA just to donate platelets for Elyse when she needed them desperately.

Thank you Daniel Ra for arduously spreading Elyse's story through Facebook and the very first bone marrow drive in Elyse's honor.

Aekyeong for generously offering her time to do the korean translations for the website. I am so fortunate to call you my friend.

Pastor Chris for helping us get through the funeral arragements. You have no idea how much more difficult it would have been if you hadn't stepped in.

Wei, Kathy, Pastor Chris, Ruth and Erick for deligently maintaining the website for us. Thank you so much for your dedication to Elyse's cause.

Peter Ha for helping to edit Elyse's story and putting togethering Elyse's memorial pictures.

Katie in Philadelphia for hosting a bone marrow drive with one of the largest turnout of donors. I'm so glad that you came to visit us and we had a chance to meet you. I hope that we can continue to keep in touch.

Thank you to Steve and Joanne for working so hard to make the bone marrow drive possible at Bethel Church.

Thank you Mary for being a genuine friend.

Thank you Eunice for sharing your big heart. I'm so glad you came to see Elyse. I would have liked Elyse to know you.

Debby and Jeannie for your love and compassion. We just can't thank you enough for even attending Elyse's funeral services.

A3M (Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches) and Cammy Lee Leukemia Foundation for getting Elyse's story out there and promoting bone marrow drives everywhere.

Michelle and Eric at Koream Journal for writing and documenting Elyse's story and also for the memorial article on Elyse.

Day Hospital nurses at CHLA for your constant compassion for Elyse. We thank you for patiently answering all of our questions and taking such good care of Elyse at every lab and chemo appointment.

Thank you Dr. Hofstra (Elyse's Hem/Onc doctor)for your dedication to Elyse. You gave us hope when we needed it.

Carrie and Xander. You are both courageous individuals. We treasure your friendship and we will continue to keep Ethan and Keane in our prayers.

Thank you Courttney (social worker with BMT). You held my hand when I was so broken seeing Elyse suffer. You prayed with me when I could not make sense of anything.

BMT team. They are the most dedicated team of medical professionals I have come across. The doctors' look of concern when Elyse wasn't doing well worried us but also gave us assurance that they really did care about their patients. I couldn't ask for a more professional, knowledgeable and compassionate team of nurses. They did everything they could to make her comfortable during the last few days.

Thank you to everyone who hosted bone marrow drives, registered as donors, donated blood and platelets. I believe your sacrifice will not go unnoticed.

Thank you to all who came to Elyse's memorial services to remember Elyse's short but full life. Thank you to those who could not attend and was with us in spirit.

Thank you to all who prayed earnestly and continue to pray for Elyse and our family.

We still receive a steady stream of condolences through email and by mail. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Every comment on the blogsite, every card, every email, every gesture of support....comforts us during this very difficult time. We feel so privileged to have been Elyse's parents.

Difficult tasks for now.....

2007-11-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

I received a call from a nurse at the fertility center I frequented for countless ultrasounds, blood draws and ultimately for IVF procedures which led to the conception of our triplets. She was just making a routine call to ask about my pregnancy, delivery and health of our triplets. My heart sank as I was once again reminded of our painful reality. I had to reiterate that Elyse is no longer with us. I realized that it is very painful to accept this fact. I wished that I was able to tell the nurse that all three of our girls were in perfect health when they were born and still doing exceptionally well. When I told the nurse about Elyse, she paused for a moment and expressed her condolences. She politely wished us well. After I put the phone down, I was in tears once again. Sometimes I just let it flow. Nothing can stop it. It felt like my heart had broken into a thousand pieces to remember that I carried her for nine months and gave birth to her and had so little time with her...that our memories of Elyse had to stop here.

It has been a little over a month since Elyse went to heaven and I don't know when my fond memories of Elyse will bring a smile to my face. I suppose I just have to give it time.

A letter from our friend Frank Choi of Hillsongs Australia

2007-11-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

We truly are so blessed to have friends who pray for us. We recently received this letter from Frank Choi, a member of Hillsongs Australia. We believe that he was inspired to write these words that touched us and moved us to tears. We wanted to share it with you all.

October 12, 2007

Dear Tim & Susan

This is Frank from Sydney. I've waited a few days to write this letter after hearing the news of Elyse. I was in shock & lost for words to be totally honest. I prayed & even was upset at God that He allowed it to unfold this way. I really wanted an answer & a reason why it had to be this way.

I really am in mourning with you. I know nothing can really be said to bring comfort to you both. But I want you to know that together with all your family & loved ones you will make it through this difficult time. I know that no one really understands the pain & loss you feel right now. But know that Jesus feels your pain and understands.

I realise during this difficult time you may question God & even be angry, but know that its ok to feel this way & healthy to express it to God who knows & understands what you're going through right now.

I was driving today on the motorway & praying to God why it had to be this way. Asking God what can I say to Elyse's parents to comfort them. At the same time I was also wanting answers. I believe God answered me.

And His answer to me was this "I know its difficult for you to understand. I understand it came as a shock to you but it wasn't a shock to me."

I believe that God was trying to explain to me it's never pleasant to lose a loved one especially at a young age when it seems like they had so much to live for. But we all go to be with the Lord & its never easy for the people who loved then who remain. But I believe God wants us to know that his was Elyse's race as short as it was it was powerful & it wasn't a wasted life.

Through Elyse living the life she did we all know how many lives she will save into the future through the BM donors.

I know right now all we feel is the pain & loss. but I know in due time we will all come to understand why it had to be this way. I pray that you will take comfort in knowing that Elyse is in God's presence right now & one day you will meet her again in the near future. I know God uses all things for good & even what seems like a loss in our present moment will one day be turned into joy.

Tim & Susan I know this, that if Elyse could talk to you both right now she would say "Mummy Daddy I'm so happy right now, I know you miss me but don't worry I'm really really happy right now & I'm going to be our families No. 1 cheerleader in heaven. Your the best mummy & daddy a daughter could wish for. Don't cry mummy & daddy everthing will be okay. I'll be watching over you everyday & every moment. And take care of my beautiful sisters Erin & Faith! I love you all very much & I'm not gone I'm here in heaven with Jesus and I can't wait to see you in person soon. Love you muah muah!"

I really believe thats what Elyse would say. She's probably beaming from ear to ear in excitement to prepare to meet you all soon.

I'm having a lot of mixed emotions about this letter. I'm hoping it comforts you. I'll continue to pray that the peace of God surrounds your heart and minds in Christ Jesus.

Tim & Susan I have to say your strength & courage has really amazed me. God really knew what he was doing when He chose parents for Faith, Elyse & Erin. I praythat with that same strength love and courage you will both shine in this life as amazing parents & spiritual mentors for us. I'm honored to have met you even if its only online. I will come visit one day & I can give you both a big bear hug.

Love from your brother from another mother

Frank Choi

Please forgive me for the paper quality I just had to write it now !

Harvest Festival

2007-11-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

We attended the Harvest Festival at Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita on October 31st. Though Faith and Erin are still too young to know where and why we were there, it was good to get out with friends for a little while. We took some pictures, which we are sharing with you all. As you can see in the picures, Faith and Erin were dressed in angel costumes. We would have liked to see Elyse in an angel costume along with Faith and Erin. Again, we remind ourselves that she is in heaven and safe in the arms of God. She must be wearing the most beautiful heavenly gown that is beyond description.

We keep running into the same dilemma when we take the girls out. People come up to us and ask, "Oh, are they twins?" We don't want to deal with talking about what happened, so we say that they are. Well, until I can't contain myself anymore and I end up explaining what happened with Elyse. The atmosphere and mood of the conversation changes immediately and the person we just met is lost for words. Though we would rather not disclose what we have been through with Elyse for the past 8 months, my conscience will not allow me to forget and dishonor our daughter by not speaking about her. I even thought about printing a T-shirt that says "No, they are not twins...they are triplets. Two are with us and one went to heaven before us." This may not be the best solution. Please give us some wise counsel.

The books are a good source of comfort for us. I would suggest you all to read at least one of the books mentioned, especially if you are in a leadership position. It will give you a good idea of what the grieving family is going through and some wise words of comfort for them when they are ready to hear them.

New Photos of Faith & Erin

2007-10-31T22:29:00.000-07:00

Though we would like to drop anchor and stay planted to the date that Elyse went to Heaven, we know that life moves on. I think that the Lord made the sun to set and rise each day without fail to help us move beyond our mistakes, accomplishments and grief.

There isn't a moment that we don't think of Elyse, but we are trying to work through it so that our lives are not paralyzed by it. The hope we have in Christ picks us up and gently pushes us forward. The truth we have in Christ that we have life after death in heaven with a loving creator is a great comfort.

I hope you all enjoy the new photos of Faith and Erin. They are growing up so fast that it seems that time might just pass us by if we don't make time to notice the wonderful people in our lives. Susan wrote about our beach trip in a previous post and so we included pictures of that day. We had many thoughts of Elyse as we stared out into the crashing waves. We hoped to go to the beach all together when Elyse got better, but we will have to wait a little while till we can fulfill that dream. This is a reminder to everyone reading this post that we don't know what tomorrow holds. So please live each day to the fullest, without regrets, loving each other instead of fighting over petty issues. I hope you can see your prayers bearing fruit to see us still smiling and enjoying life with Faith and Erin.

The new pictures are in the side bar. Your comments are always nice to see on Elyse's blog. Thank you all. We will leave you for now with the words of this Hymn by Karolina W. SandellBerg, 1865

Day By Day, And With Each Passing Moment

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Power;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
Ever to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.

Memorial Slide Show

2007-10-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

Our friend Peter Ha made this slide show for us to show during Elyse's funeral. We wanted to share it with everyone who did not get a chance to see it. Thank you for being part of Elyse's life and I hope that everyone visiting this site will come to know the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. All you need to do is to ask Him into your heart. Then, we can all see Elyse in heaven when we are called home.

We will have the slide show up on the right control bar also.

Organizing...

2007-10-29T23:53:00.000-07:00

Susan organized the girls' dresser over the weekend. As I stepped in on her a few times, I saw that she was organizing more than clothes that day, she was organizing her memories of Elyse. To my surprise Susan remembered every occasion Elyse had worn a certain onesie, skirt, bib or shirt. I realized that the love of a mother for a child holds a special bond that fathers may never understand. I appreciate my wife so much for her bravery and character.

The reality of the loss of a loved one sinks in more with the passing of time. That's how it is for me and Susan. That loss is so apparent in the absence of care for that person in the daily routines. The number of bottles have been reduced, we don't buy baby clothes in 3's, there is one less car seat and only two high chairs at feeding time.

We started to read the books that we mentioned on the last post. Through our reading, we have realized that Elyse's time was set before she was born (Psalm 139:16), that the righteous are taken to be spared from evil (Isaiah 57:1-2)and that heaven truly is a wonderful place. It is our selfishness that desires her back with us. We are accepting these facts slowly and hope that our grieving will lead us to a higher understanding of God and his desire to save the lost souls of this world.

Faith and Erin are a delight. They are healthy and full of energy as they tackle each day. Faith has learned to sit up on her own and pulls her self up to her knees while holding the top rail of her crib. Erin is learning new ways of making sounds with her mouth and does not want to lose to her sister on any level. It is fun to watch them interacting with each other. We can really see there personalities emerging.

Moving On

2007-10-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

We attended the 'Histio Walk' last Sunday and spoke with people that we read about in the forums and blogs. Elyse's name was printed on the T-shirt along with many other children who passed away from Histiosytosis disease. One word...it was sad. We made a donation on behalf of Elyse and we left with the desire to keep others from experiencing the loss that we feel.

The past few weeks have been more difficult as the initial shock of our loss is wearing down and the reality of our loss is starting to sink in. Susan and I've been trying to deal with our grief and find answers to the many questions that we have. We've found countless websites (Christian) about how we are to grieve...and they were all helpful to a certain degree. Though our mind understands, we need our heart to work out what we are going through. Susan and I try to find time to sit and talk about our anger, regrets and thoughts in between life's duties and end up praying for strength to move forward.

We wanted to learn more and find comfort in what we are going through, so we decided to order a few books online. Here are the titles of the books with links in case you wanted to read excerpts: Confessions of a Grieving Christian, Within Heaven's Gates, Safe in the Arms of God: Words from Heaven About the Death of a Child, and Gone but Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child. Susan and I decided to read all the books together to try to help us cope, accept and move forward.

The emptiness and pain of having Elyse go home ahead of us erupts violently at times. We are thankful to know that there are still so many friends (old and new) praying for our family.

7th Annual So Cal Histio Walk

2007-10-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

Susan and I will be attending the 7th Annual SoCal Histio Walk on October 21st (This Sunday) from 12 - 5 P.M in Burbank, CA. This walk is sponsored by the Histiocytosis Association of America and the parents and families of patients. If you would like to participate or make a donation to help raise funds for research of Histiocytosis diseases like LCH & HLH, please follow this link or email us (contact@elyseyu.com).

HLH is called an orphan disease meaning it is generally considered to have a prevalence of fewer than 200,000 affected individuals in the United States and does not qualify for government funding for research.

It is too sad for us to think that other families are and will lose their loved ones to HLH. We didn't sit and wait while Elyse was looking for a bone marrow match and we cannot be still while other families lose their precious loved ones. We ask that you do what you can to get involved so that we can hear more survival stories in the future. I think Elyse would be proud of us all if we helped others to survive.

Yu Family

Mandalay Beach

2007-10-19T19:40:00.001-07:00

It was a very warm day today so we decided to take Faith and Erin to see the ocean for the very first time. There is a very clean and quiet beach called Mandalay Beach in Oxnard. We discovered this beach with some friends while we were at the annual Strawberry Festival in Oxnard. Californians, if you have never been there, it's definitely worth the drive. As soon as both Faith and Erin laid eyes on the ocean waves, they were beaming with fascination. We took lots of great pictures hoping to continue building memories with our two girls. I couldn't help but to wonder what Elyse's expression would have been like if she was here with us looking at the waves. I was so happy to spend time with Faith and Erin and yet my thoughts always turned towards Elyse. I miss her terribly. I miss holding her in my arms. I miss seeing her laugh and smile. Spending time with Faith and Erin gives me hope and strength to move forward but they are also constant reminders of their sister Elyse who is not with us anymore. Before my thoughts just simply spiral to complete sorrow, I try to remind myself that she is in heaven witnessing the most beautiful things of God. This gives me some measure of peace for now. Tim and I are taking one moment at a time as painful as it is sometimes. I do believe that experiencing pain is part of the healing process. We seek God's love and comfort during this very difficult time.

2007-10-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

I gathered up the energy and courage to remove one of the car seats from our mini-van today. I will not go into details about what that did to me. We get so attached to objects that symbolize our connection to those close to us. I stared at the car seat for a while as my mind raced with memories of Elyse before wrapping it up and putting it aside. Almost 2 weeks since Elyse's passing and it seems even more unbelievable now than it did on the day she passed.

There are reminders of our loss everywhere we go. Susan and I decided to print all of the pictures from Shutterfly and Picasa and have them in a photo album. We had them printed out at Target near our house and decided to get some diapers while we were there. The cashier saw the 3 mega-packs of diapers and asked us if we had twins. That hit us hard! Susan just said yes just so that we wouldn't have to discuss our story. The cashier added how twins were so common these days and how she sees 3 triplet families coming in once in a while. Bam! again right in our sour spot. If you are a parent of triplets you might understand what I'm trying to say about the whole "twin -triplet" comment. I just can't seem to put it into words....

Faith and Erin are such blessings to us. Susan and I wouldn't know how to handle everything without them. They are giving us more joy and love than what we can give to them at this time, and all they ask in return from us is recognition, hugs and kisses. They are developing incredibly well. Faith frustrated since she can only crawl backwards and Erin is, well just wanting to get as much attention from us by doing her cute "da-da-das." We will be sure to post some pictures over the weekend.

Sorry about jumping all over the place with this post. Till next time, we pray that you will all be well.

How we are doing

2007-10-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

It has been 8 days since Elyse's passing and 3 days since the funeral. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it is to live without Elyse in our lives. Time might heal this wound, but for now we are trying to get by one hour at a time.

Susan and I took the girls to church today. We knew that it was time to try and move forward, though they may be baby steps. We also took some pictures of Faith and Erin today and while reviewing the pictures in the camera we came across some of Elyse taken just a week before she passed. Needless to say, the images got the better of our emotions.

We know that she is in a better place, but a parent's heart always wants their children with them. We miss her.

We thank you for your comments and prayers. Please continue to pray for us. We will need it.

Elyse's Memorial Service

2007-10-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

We had Elyse's Memorial Service today. Though Susan and I know that our precious daughter is in the Lord's arms, our tears would not stop. Our pastor said that tears are the words of our spirit today and I guess we had no words to speak with our mouth so we let our spirit speak for us.

I don't know how long it will take to recover from this loss, but we know that the world keeps turning and life will not slow down and wait for us. We find strength in our God, friends both old and new and in the hope that we will see Elyse again when we are called to be with God.

Thank you all for attending the service and sharing Elyse's life with us.Susan and I will keep the love we have for Elyse and raise Faith and Erin to be loving and purposeful human beings.

With much love and gratitude,

Tim, Susan, Elyse, Faith & Erin

Elyse's Memorial Service

2007-10-08T08:38:00.001-07:00

To Our friends and those who shared in our love for Elyse,

Thank you all for your support and prayers. Words cannot express our gratitude for the strength you all have given to us. Our love for Elyse filled such a huge part of our hearts that the void that she left is difficult to bear at times. We grieve her passing at such a young age, but we know that she is smiling and playing in Jesus' presence at this time. We miss her dearly as I know all of you do.

Your presence at her memorial service will be greatly appreciated and welcomed.

The memorial service will be held at:
Han Kook Mortuary
2045 W. Washington Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90018

Date: Thursday, October 11, 2007
Time: 10:00 AM

Burial Service will follow at Rose Hills Memorial Park (Click Here for Directions)
Approx. Time: 11:30 AM
If you are planning to attend the burial service only, please ask the front gate attendent for details.

Lunch will be provided after the burial service at Secret Garden. Please RSVP to elysersvp@gmail.com by Tuesday 10AM.

Address:
Secret Garden
1925 W. Olympic Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90006
Tel: 213-380-9202

We hope to remember Elyse's short, but full life with you all on Thursday.

Love,

Yu Family

Day +18 Good Bye For Now

2007-10-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Elyse went to be with the Lord this morning at 3 AM in the BMT ward at CHLA. Though our grief is great, we look forward to the hope that we will see her again in heaven.

Thank you for all your prayers and support through out our Journey. We will be posting funeral information for those of you who would like to attend.

It will be in the coming week.

In Loving memory,

Yu Family

Day +17

2007-10-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

It has been a long week for all of us. Elyse's bilirubin number has gone down by 0.1. It's not a drastic improvement, but at least it has not gone up. Praise God! She is extremely irritated right now and still flails her arms and tries to pull out all and any tubes she can reach...and she has a lot of tubes everywhere.

They are still draining her fluids through peritoneal dialysis and getting results. Her arms, face and chest area are almost back to normal. Legs, hands and stomach are still bloated. We are still hopeful that all of her organs will function well.

We are considering a Plan B at this time. Elyse's BMT doctor told us about a possibility of a liver transplant if things get worse. A liver transplant doctor came today and told us that though liver transplant survival rate is 100% in normal liver transplant patients, HLH BMT patients have a survival rate of 15%. Like I said, it's Plan B and we would not decide on anything until we talk more. There are a few conditions to getting the liver transplant...the engraftment has to be 100% where HLH is completely gone from the system and they would want to make sure that they could do something to bring up the 15% success rate. We will be talking more throughout the day with both BMT doctor and the transplant doctor. If we decide to do the transplant and she survives, Elyse will have to take medications for the rest of her life.

Thank you for your prayers and being here with us.

Day +16

2007-10-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

It is 9:57 PM right now and Susan just calmed Elyse down a bit after about an hour of struggle. Elyse was uncomfortable throughout the day today and in pain. The pain came intermittently making Elyse flail her arms and cry out. We can only imagine what she is feeling. Susan is sitting on the mat praying while I type this update. All we know now is that she is still fighting.

Elyse's bilirubin number has gone up again today. Nurses are pulling out about 60 - 90 cc's additional liquid through the peritoneal dialysis every hour and we can see her belly softening and the swelling in her arms going down a bit. Susan and I hope to see her kidneys functioning on their own and platelet levels staying at good levels so that her fluid balance will go back to normal.

I forgot to mention on Day +15 post that Elyse opened her eyes 3 times and looked around. It was nice to see her open her eyes without struggling in pain for once. We are still hoping to hear that her numbers have gone down tomorrow. Elyse is crying again and we've asked for another bolus of pain med. We will post again tomorrow.

Day +15 Beyond what we can see

2007-10-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

So far I have been reporting only the facts and numbers; the things that we can see with our eyes. What we see with our eyes can really get us down. But, I believe that God is here with us closely monitoring everything that is happening and in full control. I will not lie and say that I am not shaken or that circumstances have not phased me. But going beyond what we can see, we choose to believe that Elyse will get well. For the Lord says, "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (Luke 18:27).

I remind myself that God is good and desires to heal Elyse.

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Psalms 103:2-5

Jesus' will is to heal us all.

"But when Jesus knew it, He withdrew from there; and great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them all." (Matthew 12:15)

God uses prayer to heal...and we have so many believers praying for Elyse.

"Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the Church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." (James 5:14)

We need to have faith that God will heal Elyse.

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith." (1 John 5:4)

I wrote this to remind me and my family of God's perspective. Thank you for reading and sharing in our journey.

Day +15

2007-10-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

Elyse's bilirubin number went up again today, which is not a good sign for her liver. Her marrow is engrafted but we are praying and hoping that her liver will recover. There are some good signs too. Her platelet counts are holding steady and other labs numbers on her liver are better. However, her doctor told me that the bilirubin count is the main indicator of how her liver is doing.

Elyse's BMT doctor told me today that she could start to turn a corner any moment, but there is an equal chance for us to lose her at any moment. He wanted to make sure that we knew the reality of her situation and be prepared for any outcome. I was extremely calm hearing this news mainly because I still have great hope that she will recover. It may also be that I have refused to believe that she will stop fighting and that God is still in control.

Many people have emailed us about Defribrotide to treat VOD. Elyse's doctors ruled this out a long time ago due to Elyse's mucositis (bleeding) from chemo and the bleeding side effect that Defribrotide can cause. It is better to see how she does on her own for now.

We only have trust in God, your prayers and Elyse's fighting spirit to get us through this situation. I will keep posting daily.

Day +14

2007-10-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

Elyse started to get swollen overnight so they've started her Peritoneal Dialysis again this morning to relieve the kidneys every 2 hours. To learn more about Peritoneal Dialysis please go to this link; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peritoneal_dialysis

Elyse's counts are up (WBC = 5,000), which means that her graft is taking well, but her liver is still in bad shape. Elyse's BMT doctor told us that her liver is still very critical and she is at a point where the liver could go either way. They are doing their best to give her liver the best chance to recoverf by removing fluids and relieving her kidneys as much as possible to help the liver through the preitoneal dialysis.

We are checking bilirubin numbers to see how her liver is doing. We need her numbers to go down, but it has been steadily going up till now. She is still struggling to breath as I update this post. Her platelet levels have been steadily going down as well, so more platelets and blood are being given right now. Thank you all for donating your blood and platelets. We need more donors, so please contact George to make an appointment (323) 361-2370.

I cannot express how difficult it is to see her like this. We are staying strong for her and we are hoping and praying that her liver will get better soon.

Day +13

2007-10-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since Day +9. Day +10 thru Day +12 have been scary. Elyse has been having difficulty breathing per our past posts, but she reached the pinnacle and almost stopped breathing on Day +10. I was donating platelets when Susan called the blood donor center to tell me that Elyse is not breathing normally. I ran up to find Elyse gasping for air with nurses and doctors huddled around her. The pressure in her stomach, liver, spleen and surrounding tissues built up so much that it was pressing up against her lungs. She was desperately struggling to take each breath. Two things were done to alleviate the pressure. A catheter was put in to relieve her bladder and a specialist was brought up to drain her stomach of fluids that leaked out into her tissues.

250cc was taken from her stomach. Elyse's BMT doctor told me that there is more in there, but we had to keep a balance of fluids in her body so only 250cc was taken. Her breathing eased just a bit and she has not really woken up since then. Her heart rate was racing at 200+ beats and her respiratory rate was at 75 from that point on till 4:00 AM on Day +11. This rate is equivalent to you and me running. Elyse was at this rate for about 24 hours just trying to breathe. She had her eyes closed, both hands clenched and raised to her cheeks. She was fighting to breathe with all of her strength and might. Each breath came with a gulp of air and a groan, it brought us to tears to see our daughter fight so hard. Doctors told us that we would have to see how long she could keep this up before she gets too tired to breathe.

The PICU resident came up a few times to check up on her in case we needed to put her on a respirator and suggested we take her down there if a room was available. They took her down to the PICU at 3:30 AM on Day 11 and started dialysis to remove fluids. She became stable over the weekend and Elyse was brought back to the BMT ward today (Day +13). Elyse's numbers came down from HR 200 to 150 and the Resp rate from 75 to 40. She is still struggling to breathe, but at least she is still breathing.

It was intense for all of us. Susan and I mentally made funeral arrangements for her over the weekend in case she didn't pull through. But prayer of friends and family really pulled us through. Thank you for fasting and praying. We are hoping for good results.

Day +9

2007-09-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

Elyse's abdomen is still distended. There is no change in her condition. I could see that she is having a difficult time taking each breath. We will not be posting for a while. Elyse's doctors are telling us that she is in a dangerous stage of VOD. The next post will either be the very best news or the worst. Please be in prayer. Thank you for your support.

Need your prayers

2007-09-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

We were told by Elyse's BMT doctor today that this is the most critical portion of the post BMT process and we can see why. Elyse is in a lot of pain and discomfort from fluid retention do to a case of Veno-Occlusive Disease. It started out as a mild case, but now her belly is really distended and she is having difficulty breathing. It must be difficult for her to go through and very difficult to watch her in so much pain. There is a chance of death due to liver and multiple organ damage and if water gets into the lungs.

Please pray for her recovery and donate platelets if you are willing.

For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee...saith the Lord.
Jeremiah 30:17

Day +8

2007-09-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Family!

We are seeing the worst of the BMT process to date. Elyse has lost 50% of her hair now and she is grunting in pain with every breath. We are moved to tears once more seeing her in so much pain. There are a few things going on right now. Her liver is eating up the platelets so her counts are low and causing the small blood vessels right below her skin to explode, which is causing small purple spots to appear all over her body.

She also has signs of Venoclusive disease (VOD) causes the veins in and going to the liver to become narrow. This usually occurs 15 to 25 days after a child receives the transplant. Noticeable signs of VOD are weight gain and enlarging of the abdomen. While there is no special treatment for VOD, all children will receive Heparin before and during the bone marrow transplant to help prevent VOD. That's why her belly is bloated and we had to go up on her diaper size.

We are in desperate need of platelets(AB) and blood, especially if you are CMV negative. If you don't know if you are CMV Negative, the only way to find out is to give first and let the labs tell you. We cannot give her platelets right away when she needs it right now because CHLA blood bank does not have platelets to give her and have to wait for Red Cross to deliver some to us. Please contact George at CHLA to schedule a donation. (323) 361-2370 gemerida@chla.usc.edu.

Prayer request:
1) Her liver will not eat up the platelets (VOD)
2) Bloating will go down
3) Blood counts will go up
4) platelet donors will come in and donate

Thank you. I will update pictures tonight.